All We Are
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Sequel to "Learning To Love Again". The relationship between Tony and Ziva is too new for the challenges they face. Between Noah's terminal illness and death, Holly's rebellious behavior, and a painful and tragic link between the two families. Can the bidding romance survive all it's challenges or will it go up in flames? Warning! Terminally ill child and death of an OC under 18!
1. Chapter 1

In two short weeks the DiNozzo twins would be graduating middle school. Sadly only Holly would be present at the ceremony. Noah was not strong enough to be out of bed for the two hour ceremony. He had gone down hill, so much faster than Tony could have ever imagined. Only two weeks had passed since Noah was first given his terminal diagnosis but he was already like a different child. He had lost ten pounds already. He had been readmitted to the hospital to have a feeding tube inserted. It had been a week and a half since he had eaten anything by mouth. Just sitting up seemed to totally zap him of energy. Still he tried to spend time with his family every day. He would have Tony wheel him into Holly's room or help him down to the living room so they could watch TV together. Most of the time Noah would fall asleep and Tony would have to carry him back to his bed. He was no longer able to go to the bathroom on his own and was using catheters now. Tony had learned how to change out the catheter and insert the feeding tube. He had become Noah's round the clock nurse. Noelle and Beverley was great but helping care for his son, gave Tony piece of mind. It was hard to see his once strong teenager revert to a giant baby but caring for him gave Tony extra moments that he would cling to when his son was gone. Suffice it to say the past couple of weeks had been hell for the DiNozzo family. Tony was miserable and Holly was completely devastated. The only thing worse than knowing that his son was going to die at any moment. Was hearing Holly cry herself to sleep every night and know that there was nothing he could do about it. Ziva was the family's saving grace in this time of need and misery. She would take Holly to and from school every day and transport her to any off campus activities she needed to attend. On the weekends she took Holly shopping or swimming at her apartment complex. Anything to distract her from her brother's eventual demise. For Tony she was a loving and devoted girlfriend. She would hold him when he cried and she would sit with Noah and Holly, so that he could go to the gym or for a run or drive, anything that allowed him to clear his head and let his frustrations out. Presently Tony was resting his head on Ziva's chest, crying his eyes out. Noah had not woken up in eighteen hours. He didn't even notice when Tony and Noelle came into the room to tend to him. He didn't even flinch when his catheter was changed and his feeding tube inserted and then removed. He had been placed on high flow oxygen around six the evening before. The only good thing about his coma like state was that he did not require hourly doses of morphine as he had the day before.

"What am I going to do if he doesn't wake up? What is going to happen to Holly?" Tony asked.

"I cannot answer that but I know that I will be there for both of you. I will never leave your sides. I will always be there." Ziva explained.

"I know you are but I am still so scared. I need him. Oh Ziva! I need him!" Tony cried.

"I know Tony, God if it were Eliana in this situation. I wish that I could just make this OK but I cannot." Ziva explained.

"I don't expect you to make it OK but I wish that I could take Noah's pain away. Without him having to die but he is too far gone. He was by the time he was diagnosed. I should have seen that something was wrong faster. I should have gotten him treatment faster. I should have been able to save him." Tony sobbed.

"Don't worry about what could have been. Just appreciate the time you have left with Noah. That is precious." Ziva explained.

"I shouldn't have to treasure these memories and worry that every second will be his last. I should not have to hear Holly cry herself to sleep every-night. I should not have to deal with this. Why is this happening to me?" Tony asked.

"I do not know Tony." Ziva replied.

"I think that I need to be alone." Tony sniffed.

"If you are sure, then I will run and get Eliana from the sitters. Call me if you need anything and I will be back in a flash." Ziva explained standing to leave.

"I just need to lie down in a dark room." Tony replied.

"Rest well Tony." Ziva replied, kissing him on the lips.

"I will try but I don't see myself being very peaceful or relaxed." Tony replied.

* * *

Tony watched as Ziva left the house, he thought about going up to check on Holly but she was probably in the process of doing her homework and even before Noah got sick. Holly hated it when her homework time was disrupted for something that was not an emergency. She did it as soon as she got home and checked it three times throughout the night. Not wanting to upset his daughter anymore than she already was. He sat on the couch and ran his hand through the gap between the cushions. His hand hit something hard. Confused her cupped his hand around the mystery object and pulled it out of the cushion. It was Ziva's pocketbook, he wiped dust off of the smooth, red leather. He unzipped the zipper and studied the contents. It was mainly just checks, cash, and Ziva's credit cards but on the other side was a photo section, the pictures were mostly of Eliana and a girl he guessed to be Talia but he noticed a picture of him and the twins at the St. Patrick's Day parade and could not help but smile at the picture of a happier and more innocent time. Behind the photo album was a piece of rough paper, that Tony guessed was news-paper. Curiously he pulled it out and held it in his hands. It was old but not ancient and stained by tears. It was an obituary. The picture looked familiar but he could not put his finger on it until he read the name...

" _In loving memory of Ari Haswari March 13th 1969-September 27th 2005, Preceded into death by mother, Ruth Haswari, step-mother, Rivkah David, and half-sister Talia David. Survived by father Eli David, half-brother Sergei Mishnev, and half-sister Ziva David..._

* * *

"Ziva is that bastards sister and she never told me?! How could she still love him? She should hate him! He is a killer and a monster! He killed the mother of the twins she claims to love! She is such a hypocrite!" Tony snapped throwing the pocketbook and obituary down on the floor and kicking the couch. He did not need this. Not now, not today.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Tony, knowing the terrible truth. Can his and Ziva's relationship be saved? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	2. Over

In an instant everything that Tony and Ziva had worked so hard for had been destroyed. She still loved him and the twins adored her. Even Noah was coming around to the idea of having her as his step-mom but he could not trust her. Not knowing that her brother was the one who had killed his Kate. She had to know that Ari had killed Kate and she had kept it from him. Was she really that desperate for a man to be a father to her kid, that she would keep such information from him. He would never trust and love her again.

"Hey dad, I am going to Emily's." Holly called.

"Hmm?" Tony asked.

"I am going to Emily's." Holly repeated.

"Oh tell Tobais I said hi." Tony mumbled.

"Emily Dawson" Holly corrected.

"Who?" Tony asked.

"Emily from church." Holy explained.

"Tobais is bring Emily to church?" Tony questioned.

"No dad, Emily Dawson." Holly replied.

"Oh yeah her!" Tony cried.

"Are you OK? You look a little pale." Holly observed.

"Fine" Tony lied.

"Hey what's this?" Holly asked picking up the pocketbook.

"Ziva's pocketbook" Tony replied.

"Oh I will put it on the table by the door in case she comes back for it. You go lie down." Holly replied.

"Yeah" Tony mumbled.

* * *

Ziva got to the front of the line at the grocery store before she realized that she was missing her pocketbook. She couldn't have left it at school because she had bought Eliana a candy-bar out of the machine downstairs and she had done swung by the apartment on the way to Tony's. She had made no extra stops. So it had to be there.

"I am sorry but I forgot my pocketbook." Ziva apologized.

"That is alright, are you going to come back and pay for your stuff later?" The cashier asked.

"Yes my boyfriend's house is just up the road." Ziva replied.

"OK I am going to need to keep your chicken closed or send it to reclaim. So I am going to have a bagger put it in the front freezer." The cashier explained.

"Thanks but I will be back in ten minutes." Ziva assured.

* * *

Tony lay curled up in a ball on the couch. He was going to have to call Ziva and tell her that it was over, he knew that much. What he didn't know was what he was going to say. It had been so long since he had broken up with somebody. Jeanne had dumped him and so had the last girl he was with before Kate. So it had been well over two decades since he had ended a relationship and back then there were no kids involved. He heard somebody knocking on the door.

"Come in!" Tony called not wanting to get up.

"Hello, Tony" Ziva greeted.

"Ziva? What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"Did I leave my pocketbook, here?" Ziva asked.

"Oh you mean this?" Tony questioned harshly.

"Yes! Thank you!" Ziva cried.

"There is a serious matter that we have to discuss." Tony replied.

"Did something happen to Noah? Oh Tony, I can't have been gone more than twenty minutes. I am so sorry. It must have happened just after I left." Ziva apologized.

"Noah is just fine! This is about you and me!" Tony spat.

"You and me?" Ziva asked.

"I found this in your pocketbook!" Tony snapped shoving Ari's obituary into her hands.

"Yes it is my brother's obituary. He has been gone just under ten years now." Ziva explained.

"Oh I know who your brother was!" Tony snapped.

"How?" Ziva asked.

"He killed Kate! He killed my wife! He killed the twins mother!" Tony yelled.

"Oh no, that was Kate?" Ziva asked.

"So you did know but you never cared to tell me?!" Tony demanded.

"All I knew was that he had killed a US Federal Agent and that another agent had killed him. I did not know any names." Ziva explained.

"Well you knew that Kate was killed in the line of duty!" Tony snapped.

"I knew that but I did not know that Mossad was involved." Ziva replied.

"Well you should have put two and two together!" Tony yelled.

"Oh but you are incapable of doing that?" Ziva asked.

"I only had one!" Tony snapped.

"So did I!" Ziva spat.

"Well this is still your fault! I never want to see you again!" Tony shouted.

"What are you saying?" Ziva asked.

"We are over!" Tony screamed.

"Fine! You are a bastard anyway." Ziva retaliated.

"Still better than what you are!" Tony yelled.

* * *

It was over, his first relationship in nearly a decade was over. Once again, Tony's heart had been shattered. He wondered how he would break the news to the twins. Noah was too out of it to really care and despite the fact that he had warmed to his dad dating again. He still would not be super devastated by the breakup. Holly on the other hand would be devastated. She loved Miss. David and she was thrilled that her dad was dating her. She wanted nothing more than to have Miss. David as her stepmother. He dreaded the idea of breaking the news to her, that they had broken up.

"Tony? Are you OK?" Beverly asked coming down the stairs.

"You out of here?" Tony asked.

"Yes but are you OK?" Beverly asked.

"Ziva and I broke up." Tony replied.

"What happened?" Beverly asked.

"I don't want to talk about it." Tony sighed.

"OK" Beverly replied.

"Thanks for not prying." Tony replied.

"Oh trust me I understand," Beverly replied.

"Are you going to be in late tomorrow or is that Saturday?" Tony asked.

"Saturday, I have to drop my son off for a field trip," Beverly explained.

"You have a son?" Tony asked.

"Max he is fourteen and my mother cares for him when I am working, working twelve hours a day is hard but I assured him that this job was only temporary. No offense but my husband had a caretaker that was on for the final two years of his life and we had no idea how long he would live. So he was worried that I would have this would be like that. I had to assure him that it was palliative care and that it was only going to be at best a couple of months." Beverly explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony ever be able to forgive Ziva? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	3. After The Break-Up

Tony felt like his life had completely been destroyed. His son was dying and now he his relationship was over. Ziva had betrayed his trust and there was no coming back from that. Heartbroken and filled with rage, he stormed upstairs and threw himself onto his bed. He forced himself to cry silent tears so that he wouldn't disturb his son. He always felt so guilty when he expressed pain around Noah. The child was having enough trouble accepting his mortality, without having to hear his dad cry like an idiot all the time. Even though he was not crying about Noah's death. No his tears were for a stupid and selfish reason. He was crying over a failed relationship, while his son lay dying across the hall.

"Dad?!" Holly called.

"Upstairs!" Tony called back.

"Be right up!" Holly cried.

* * *

"Hey dad! I had a great time at Emily's!" Holly announced entering the bedroom.

"Good" Tony sniffed.

"Hey dad are you OK?" Holly asked.

"No" Tony sniffed.

"What's wrong?" Holly asked.

"Ziva and I broke up." Tony replied.

"Oh dad! I am so sorry! What happened?!" Holly asked.

"I do not want to talk about it." Tony replied.

"Oh OK, but I am down the hall if you ever need to talk." Holly replied.

"Shouldn't you be saying that to me?" Tony asked.

"Well yes but I have never had a breakup." Holly replied.

"Not until you are in high school." Tony reminded.

"I know and believe me I do not mind." Holly explained.

"That's my girl." Tony smiled.

* * *

Ziva was devastated to say the least. She had lost Tony. The first man she had ever truly loved and who had ever truly loved her. All because of Ari. She loved her brother but he really was an evil man. The sad thing was that he had not always been evil. The Ari she knew and loved was a sweet and gentle man but that was before. Before he joined Mossad, before Talia died, before he found out that his dad had killed his birth mother. Before he lost his mind. He was what her psychology professor had called a sociopath. He had been born a nice and loving man but had been changed by society and a lifetime of tragedy. She wondered if the same fate would befall her and that scared the hell out of her. What would happen to Eliana if she went crazy? The poor girl had already been abandoned once. Eli and his latest wife Sarah had given up on her after Ari died. She was just a tiny baby. Only two months old. Now she was ten and she had already lost so much.

"Ima?" Eliana asked.

"What is it, Tatelah?" Ziva asked.

"How is Noah?" Eliana asked.

"Not good I am afraid but will will not be seeing Tony and the twins anymore. At least not outside of school." Ziva explained.

"Why not?" Eliana asked.

"Tony and I broke up. He found out about Uncle Ari and could not take it." Ziva explained.

"Oh... so it was Kate who he killed?" Eliana asked.

"Yes and even I did not know." Ziva replied sadly.

* * *

Holly sat on her bed. She could not believe that her dad had broken up with Ziva. She was beyond devastated. She liked Miss. David and it was not her fault what Ari had done. She had not ordered him to pull the trigger. She hated that the brother of her dad's now ex-girlfriend had killed her mom. She wished to be freed of the burden of knowing what she knew but not like this. She wished that she had told Miss. David that she knew and insisted that she and her dad talk it out. She should have admitted knowing as soon as she found out. As soon as she saw that stupid obituary in Ziva's desk, when she was helping clean out Miss. David's room before spring break. She had just shoved it back into the drawer and quickly shifted to the bookshelves. Not wanting her dad to throw away his happiness over something so idiotic. She grabbed her cellphone and called the only person she knew who could get her dad's head out of his ass and make him see the light.

"Gibbs"

"Gibbs it's me."

"Holly! What's up? Please tell me that Noah is OK."

"He's fine and so am I. It is dad who I am worried about."

"Did you call an ambulance? Is he bleeding? Is he conscious?"

"He is not hurt or sick but he did break up with Ziva."

"What? Why?"

"I will explain later, just get over here and talk some sense into him."

"I will be right there."

"Thanks, Gibbs"

* * *

Gibbs was shocked to say the least. He never thought that Tony and Ziva would breakup. They would have their fights but he never in a million years imagined them breaking up. They were just too perfect for each other. Not wanting to upset Holly and further or allow Tony to waste too much time wallowing in self-pity. He rushed to his Senior Field Agents house. Holly let him in and he found Tony lying on the bed, crying into his pillow.

"Tony!" Gibbs called.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Holly told me what happened." Gibbs replied.

"What?" Tony asked playing dumb.

"That you and Ziva broke up." Gibbs replied not buying Tony's bullshit.

"It's true and don't try to make me work it out with her! I am never going to forgive her for what she did!" Tony cried.

"What did she do?" Gibbs asked.

"She ruined my life that's what!" Tony spat.

"Did she hurt one of the twins?" Gibbs asked.

"No" Tony replied.

"Did she cheat on you?" Gibbs asked

"No" Tony replied.

"Then what did she do?" Gibbs asked.

"Her brother was Ari Haswari." Tony replied darkly.

* * *

 **A/N: I decided to do something that has been done on numerous sitcoms and age Eliana up from three to eleven. At first I wanted her younger but I thought that it would be more interesting if she were older. Especially when she meets Holly. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	4. Advice

Tony waited for Gibbs to say something, anything. He was the one who had declared Gibbs to be a functional mute but when he wanted to the former Marine had a tendency to say the perfect thing. Tony prayed that this would be one of those times and that his dad would come through for him. Because he could really use some advice right now. Gibbs took a seat on the foot of the bed and instructed Tony to sit up. The younger man sat up and faced his boss.

"Why the hell did you break up with Ziva?" Gibbs questioned.

"Because her brother was Ari! The man who killed Kate! Her brother killed my wife! He killed the mother of my children!" Tony snapped.

"Exactly her brother was Ari. Ziva was not him." Gibbs replied.

"Well of course I know that!" Tony yelled.

"Why the hell did you break up with Ziva? Over something that her brother did?" Gibbs questioned.

"Would you marry the sister of Pedro Hernandez?" Tony asked.

"If she were a completely different person than her brother who was probably ripped apart every day by what he had done." Gibbs explained.

"If she was really ashamed of Ari why did she have his obituary in her wallet? Why was it stained by her tears?" Tony questioned.

"If Noah killed somebody and was killed by the police, would you expect Holly just to get over it or would you expect her to be heartbroken over her brothers actions and the way that he left the world?" Gibbs asked.

"No, in fact I know that she would be destroyed." Tony sighed.

"Well that's how Ziver feels. She loved her brother and it must destroy her that he took the life of an innocent person and that he lost his life as a result." Gibbs explained.

"Kate said that Ari had good eyes and that he was not really bad." Tony recalled.

"Knowing this and that Ziver is not Ari. Do you still want to stay broken up with her?" Gibbs asked.

"I don't know." Tony admitted.

"What else is stopping you?" Gibbs asked.

"I just feel like enough is changing right now." Tony confessed.

"Oh, right" Gibbs sighed.

"My son is dying and this relationship is moving too fast." Tony replied.

"Tony, you are not moving too fast. You are moving at the perfect pace. Trust me I have moved way too fast in relationships and that is why I have three ex-wives." Gibbs assured.

"So what the hell do you suggest I do?" Tony asked.

"Call Ziver and talk it out with her." Gibbs replied.

"That's it? When McGee and Delilah were having trouble. You gave him great advice but with me it's just talk it out." Tony commented.

"I gave you advice. Now call Ziver before I do it myself." Gibbs instructed.

"On it boss." Tony replied.

"That's my boy, I am going to check on the twins on my way out." Gibbs replied, turning to leave the room.

* * *

Ziva buried her face in the knees of her sweatpants and cried. She still could not believe that Tony had dumped her. All because of Ari. He had destroyed her life once before and now he was doing it all over again. She loved Eliana and taking her in had nothing to do with the destruction of her life. After Ari died, her co-workers learned that she was the daughter of the head of Mossad. She had used her mother's maiden name at work. In hopes that nobody would ever find out who she was. Even worse she got pregnant by Adam and he panicked and left. Alone and pregnant, with her half sister left in her care. She moved to America and got a job in the small Pennsylvania town called Stillwater. She used her last name there since she doubted that many people in America would know who Eli David was. Just months later, she had a miscarriage and lost her ability to carry children. Even though the miscarriage or even her pregnancy were not the fault of Ari. She still felt a twinge of resentment towards him when she thought about never having children of her own.

"Ima?" Eliana asked.

"What?" Ziva asked.

"Are you feeling any better?" Eliana asked.

"No" Ziva admitted.

"I am really sorry about Tony. I really liked him." Eliana apologized.

"I did too but I guess that it was not meant to be." Ziva sighed.

"Maybe dumping you was just reactionary." Eliana suggested.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked.

"Maybe he was just angry. Call him tomorrow at3er he has time to cool down and try to talk it out with him." Eliana explained.

"You know what. I think that I will." Ziva replied.

* * *

Tony must have fallen asleep not long after Gibbs left. Because the next thing he knew Beverly was shuffling around in the room across the hall. He pulled himself out of bed, changed into some fresh clothes, got his phone off the dresser and dialed Ziva's number.

"Hello? Tony is that you?"

"Yes Ziva, it's me."

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to say that I am sorry for yesterday. I over reacted, I was already depressed about Noah and then I found out about Ari and I just snapped."

"It is OK, I understand and I except your apology."

"Do you want to come over tonight? I am afraid to leave Noah but we can talk over dinner. Holly usually eats up in Noah's room anyway. So we will have the kitchen to ourselves."

"Eliana's sitter called in sick. So she will have to come but she can eat in the living room or something."

"Sounds good and again I am sorry."

"It is OK and I will see you tonight."

* * *

 **A/N: Good thing Gibbs pulled Tony's head out of his ass. Also I am so glad that the 503 error is fixed. I really missed uploading. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	5. Back Together

Tony was grateful to Gibbs for pulling his head out of his ass and forcing himself to talk to Ziva. He was still in shock about Ziva's relation to Ari but Gibbs was right. Ziva wasn't the one who had pulled the trigger and just like him, she would give anything to change what had happened. They were back together but they had to work through. Their relationship had been complicated and bumpy since day one but it was also strong and true. Tony had learned long ago that the perfect, story book romances were just that, fake. Every that lasted more than a few weeks had it's challenges but if it was true love. You worked through it and that's what Tony was going to do with Ziva.

"Hey dad, Gibbs told me that you were going to call Ziva." Holly said entering the room.

"I just got off the phone with her." Tony replied.

"And?" Holly questioned.

"We are back together and she is coming over for dinner so that we can talk." Tony replied.

"Oh... good... good." Holly replied.

"What's wrong? Are you still unhappy with Ziva." Tony replied.

"No it's nothing like that. It's just dad... there is something that I need to tell you." Holly replied.

"What, are you OK? Do you need a doctor?" Tony asked.

"I am fine but dad. I uh I knew about Ari and Ziva." Holly replied.

"What? How?" Tony asked.

"The Friday before spring break, I stayed late and helped her clean her classroom. I was organizing her desk and saw his picture and obituary in one of the drawers." Holly explained.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tony asked.

"I didn't tell anyone, even Ziva. It was none of my business. I was poking around in her personal property and saw something I shouldn't have." Holly explained.

* * *

Ziva was due to arrive any minute now. Tony had already helped Beverly insert Noah's feeding tube and was in the process of preparing one of the freezer meals that his friends had provided, for everybody else. He had first selected the spaghetti in a basil pesto sauce. Until he remembered that Eliana was allergic to tree nuts. So he went with he lasagna Alfredo. It wasn't fancy but it was easy and he knew that everybody would love it. He only wished that he hadn't used the last of the garlic bread making grilled cheese sandwiches the night before. He heard the doorbell ring, followed by Holly opening the door, and Ziva and Eliana entering. He wiped his hands on his jeans pocket and walked into the living room.

"Ziva, I am so happy to see you." Tony replied embracing her.

"I am too, Tony." Ziva replied.

"You look amazing and Eliana you are becoming so grown-up. I swear that you have aged seven years since the last time I saw you." Tony replied.

"That's so random!" Eliana laughed.

"It's only been seven weeks, not seven years!" Ziva replied, slapping Tony on the arm.

"She still looks completely different." Tony replied.

* * *

Tony studied Ziva's face in the candle light. He figured it couldn't hurt to throw a little romance into the mix. Even though they did have some serious issues to work out. She was so perfect and so amazing. He could not believe that he had almost thrown all that away, over something her brother did.

"I am sorry for what my brother did. I hate who he became but I loved who he was, when I was a child." Ziva said.

"It is OK, I cannot imagine being in your situation." Tony replied.

"It was not easy. Ari was so kind and gentle when we were small. He went through a lot in his life. He lost his mom young and his step-dad sent him to Israel. He did not even know that his step-dad was not his real father until Eli told him. My mother Rivkah stepped right up into the role of mother. So naturally her death was hard on him but even after all that he was still so gentle and kindhearted. He was even in a group that fought to change Israel's mandatory army service policy. So that pacifists could be involved in civil service instead. It was after Talia died that he became the man he was when he killed Kate. He hated terrorists, anybody from Iran, and the spoiled people from America. It broke my hear to see who he became and that is why I moved here. I wanted Eliana to have a better life than what we had." Ziva explained.

"Kate always said that Ari had kind eyes. She even had the opportunity to shoot him once but she couldn't do it. Because she saw too much good in him." Tony replied.

"I am sorry that we are connected in this way but I am glad that we are working it out." Ziva replied.

"Me too, more than you know." Tony replied..

* * *

After Ziva and Eliana left, Tony was feeling restless. So he went into the living room and began to organize all the tapes and DVD's that had begun to clutter the shelves and cabinet on the entertainment center. He figured alphabetical order by title with the VHS tapes on the lower two shelves of the tall cabinet. The system worked until he found a shoe-box of VHS's in the hollow space underneath the television. He picked up the first tape and nearly fainted. It was the tapes from Kate. He grabbed the tapes meant for the twins and carried them upstairs. Holly was sitting on the floor of Noah's room, while her brother slept.

"Hey dad? What's up? How was dinner?" Holly asked.

"It was good and I have something for you." Tony replied.

"What is it?" Holly asked.

"Your mom made these for you and Noah. Before she died and I want you to start watching them now. Some are for specific events but others are just her talking to you, singing lullabies or talking to you. These are for you and these are for Noah." Tony replied handing Holly half of the stack and setting the other half on Noah's bedside table.

"WOW, dad. This is amazing, thank you." Holly replied.

"I just figured that you would need to hear her voice. With everything that is going on right now." Tony replied.

"I just hope that Noah gets through all of his." Holly asked.

"We will get him through all of them." Tony vowed.

* * *

 **A/N: I am probably going to skip ahead a couple weeks for the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	6. The Greatest Tragedy

**Warning this chapter contains the death of a child under eighteen. Please read with caution.**

* * *

It was the day that Holly DiNozzo was to graduate middle school. It was supposed to be a happy day, a day of celebration. Unfortunately even the happiest days had a dark cloud over them lately and today was especially painful. Beverly and Noelle had broken the news to Tony early in the morning that Noah did not have long left. His body was finally beginning to give up on him. Tony prayed that his son would hang on through the night. He did not want his daughter to forever associate graduating from middle school, with her brother's death. He hadn't even told his daughter the bad news yet, he wanted her to enjoy as much of her day as possible. It was now one in the afternoon and Holly was at graduation practice until two-thirty. Ziva was with him, sitting on the cot in Noah's room that he had called his bed for the past month. Noah was asleep and had been for most of the past week. The longest he had been awake was about an hour the day before and now his eyes had not opened in over twenty-four hours. He had barely showed any signs of life in the past twenty-four hours. From time to time he would groan or twitch but nothing else had happened with his body.

"What exactly did the nurses, say?" Ziva asked.

"Basically his body was giving out on him. He hasn't been awake at all for twenty-four hours and he has not used the bathroom in twenty-two and a few other things no parent ever wants to hear about there child." Tony explained.

"Oh Tony, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine hearing those words about Eliana. I wish that I could take the pain from Holly and you." Ziva replied.

"I know, I just want to take his place." Tony replied.

"I know" Ziva replied.

"I have said it a million times over the past week but I just want him to know how much I love him, how amazing he is and how he was the best son." Tony explained.

"You do not need to worry about that Tony. He knew everything that you just told me and he felt the same way about you as a father." Ziva assured.

"He did?" Tony asked.

"Oh yes, I was always talking about how much he loved you guys." Ziva replied.

"He was a really special kid, right from the beginning. Then when he got sick, when we got sick. He became even more so. I guess I know why now." Tony explained.

"Have you told him this?" Ziva asked.

"Yes, when he was very little." Tony replied.

"Well I am sure that he never forgot those words." Ziva assured.

"I hope that you are right." Tony said.

* * *

Holly could not believe that her dad, had forced her to attend her eighth grade graduation. She did not care that she was the Valid-Victorian and supposed to give a big speech. A speech that she had been preparing for months. Her brother, her twin, her best friend was dying at home, alone with his night nurse, Noelle. While she was sitting in the drama classroom waiting to go out and graduate before her dad, Miss. David, and Gibbs. The principal signaled that it was time to go up on stage, she stood and walked with her class out and took a seat on the bleachers.

"Tonight we are going to be doing things a little differently. Tonight I am going to let our Valid-Victorian, Holly DiNozzo give her speech before I give my speech. She will also be receiving her Diploma at that time. To respect her privacy, I will leave my reasoning at Holly has a family emergency and needs to leave as soon as possible. Holly please come up." Principal Lang spook.

* * *

"A few of you know the reason that I need to get home but for those of you that don't "sigh" my twin brother Noah is dying. He got sick when we were little and now I am not even sure if he will still be with us when I get home. I didn't even want to come tonight and this is far from the speech I originally wrote. I was going to give the same pointless speech about the friendships we formed and the new chapter we were going to write in high school. Now I just want to tell you how precious life is and how we should never take anything or anyone for granted. My grandpa has a rule about that but I never understood it until now. Just tell your family you love them even when they drive you crazy or hurt your feelings. Because you never know who has lost what you have. Appreciate every moment of high school even when things get hard and frustrating. Because you some of us never made it there. See you in September." Holly spoke, she took her diploma and rushed off stage before the audience could react but everybody in the room was in tears.

* * *

Tony had gotten a call just before Holly was to go on stage. Noah was fading fast. He had spoken to the principal and gotten permission for Holly to give her speech a little early. The speech his daughter gave was powerful and had moved several people to tears. He wished that he could spend the evening standing around the cafeteria eating spaghetti and ice-cream and talking with other parents about how proud he was of his daughter. Instead he holding her close to him, while they stood in Noah's bedroom as his son fought for each breath. Ziva was supporting him and Gibbs had his hands over both Tony and Holly's shoulders. Everybody had said their personal goodbyes earlier in the day, just to make sure that they could and now they were holding vigil. Waiting for the greatest tragedy in Tony and Holly's lives to take place. Not waiting but what else could you say? Out of the blue, Noah's eyes shot open and he tried his best to sit up. Tony rushed over and helped his son sit up.

"Gbss?" Noah called.

"What is it?" Gibbs asked, trying to hold together.

"Thks fr ordng m nt t di. Gve m tn yrs. Lve u." Noah wheezed.

"It's no problem kid, I just wanted you to be OK. For your mom and dad, for Holly. Now as much as it kills me. I am giving you permission to die." Gibbs replied, holding back tears.

"Mss. Dvd?" Noah called.

"What is it, Noah?" Ziva asked.

"Lve u, tke cre of hlly nd dd. Gld dd dted u." Noah replied.

"Of course I will and I am glad that I am dating your dad and that you have accepted me." Ziva replied.

"Dd?" Tony called.

"What is it son?" Tony asked.

"Lve u, thks fr rsing me bt n mm nw." Noah said.

"I love you too son. More than will ever know but yu can

"Hlly?" Noah called.

"What is it? What can I do for you?" Holly asked.

"U wr bst sste ver. Lve u, nvr frgt me." Noah rasped.

"I love you Noah and trust me. I will never be able to forget you. You were my best friend and I just love you so much. Tell mom I love her too but Gibbs is right. You don't have to fight anymore. Dad and me have Gibbs and Ziva. We will be OK." Holly spoke through the tears.

"Thnk u, lve u guys, gdbye." Noah rasped and then he was gone.

* * *

 **A/N: What will happen to Holly and Tony now? How will they cope? How will Noah's death change Tony and Ziva's relationship. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	7. Lost Without You

In an instant Noah's room became so silent that you could hear a pin drop. Noah Kellen DiNozzo was dead at only thirteen years old and seventeen days. Half of the DiNozzo family was now dead. Leaving the other half to figure out how they would survive the loss of their beloved son and brother. While still struggling with the loss of their wife and mother ten years prior. Noah had been sick for a long time and his final weeks were spent in almost unbearable pain. He was free now and safe in the arms of his mother after spending most of his life battling health problems but that did not make things any easier for Tony and Holly. Tony's legs began to give out underneath him. His body felt as if weighed a thousand pounds, while his legs felt like spaghetti and his heart beat a million beats per minute. Even though part of him wanted his heart to stop and his pain to finally be over. Gibbs and Ziva tightened their grip on him and helped him to the chair in the corner of the room. All this was done in total silence. Holly was the first to make a sound. She was completely void of any color and her body was shaking like a leaf. Her mouth opened like she was going to speak but all that happened was tears began to pour down her cheeks like a high powered faucet. She cried out silent but violent tears, still trying to process what had just happened.

"Aghhhhhhhhhhh!" Holly cried out in a high pitched squeal.

"Holly? Are you OK?" Ziva asked.

"Noah!" Holly cried throwing herself on top of her brother's body.

"Holly?" Ziva called.

"Noah! No... Noah." Holly sobbed gripping her brother's shoulders.

"I know that this is hard Holly but I am here for you." Ziva assured.

"I...I have to get out of here!" Holly cried, jumping up and running from the room tears pouring freely down her cheeks.

"Holly!" Tony cried, speaking for the first time since his son died.

"No, let her go." Gibbs replied, pushing Tony back down to the chair.

"But she's so upset." Tony replied.

"I will make sure she doesn't go to far." Ziva promised.

* * *

Holly had no idea where she was going. She just knew that she had to get away. Away from her brother's body, away from her crying father, away from the pain she was feeling. She had lost her twin, her other half, her best friend. She knew that it would be easier to lose him. Because she knew that it was going to happen and would have time to say goodbye but it was not any easier. In fact it felt worse, much worse. She had to watch him suffer and convince herself that it would be better when he died and then she had to watch him die. She had to hear him wheeze out his last words to Grandpa Gibbs, Ziva, her dad, and then her. Then she had to watch him take a last gasp for air. She had to see her father collapse. She had to see Ziva try to force back tears and Grandpa Gibbs trying to hide his own. She had to feel his body. Still warm and soft but completely void of any life. She had touched his neck and felt nothing. She cried in front of him and he didn't tease her and call her a girl. She had run from his bedroom completely hysterical and he didn't run after her to see if shew as OK. She was running down her driveway crying like and idiot and he was not behind her. She would never hear his voice or see him doing anything he had done in life again. Just lying on a slab while they prepared his body for the funeral and in a casket when they said their final goodbyes. She was sure that she would lose it when they closed the casket and lowered him into the ground. Her tears were fogging her vision and she was sure that she couldn't live without her her brother.

"NOAH!" Holly cried running off the sidewalk, into the street. Not seeing the truck speeding down the road.

"Holly!" Ziva cried, moving as fast as her legs would carry her, pulling Holly to safely just before the truck would have turned her into a pancake. She carried the young girl up to the porch and pulled her close on the porch sofa.

"My brother's dead." Holly sniffed.

"I know Holly and I am so sorry." Ziva apologized.

"What do I do, now?" Holly asked.

"You keep going, for me, for your grandpa Gibbs, for your father. Especially for your father. He cannot lose two children." Ziva explained.

"But I am lost without him." Holly sniffed.

"I know but you will survive. I lost both of my siblings and my parents and I kept going. For my little girl." Ziva explained.

"I am not as strong as you. I cannot cope. I am lost. I want to die." Holly sobbed.

"You are strong, you will be lost for a long time but you will cope." Ziva assured.

"No I won't!" Holly cried.

"Yes you will, I promise." Ziva assured.

"Why'd it have to be Noah. Of all the people in the world who could die. Of all the children. Of all the twins. Why did it have to be him?" Holly asked.

"I do not know, Holly." Ziva replied.

"Why did I take him for granted so much?" Holly asked.

"I do not know but it is human nature." Ziva replied.

"Well it's stupid! I am stupid!" Holly cried.

"You were not stupid. Nobody expects their siblings to die. Especially not when they are only teenagers." Ziva explained.

"He was so sick." Holly sobbed.

"He survived for so long. Even with his problems." Ziva commented.

"I loved him... I loved him... So much... Noah..." Holly sobbed burying her face in Ziva's chest.

"I know Holly, I am here for you. I will always be here." Ziva assured, her own tears falling as she stroked Holly's soft brown hair.

* * *

 **A/N: The next chapter will be more from Tony and Gibbs's perspectives. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	8. Being Alone

Tony struggled to get air into his lungs. It felt eerily like when he was battling the plague. When Noah and him were battling the plague. Except there were no blue lights and his son was not crying softly in the bed beside his. No, his only son was dead on his hospital bed. Soon people would come to take his body away. The next day people from the medical store would come and take back Noah's equipment. For the first time in thirteen and a half years Noah's room would be empty except for a few pieces of furniture and some of his personal belongings. His son would never come back to the room. Never again would he yell at Noah for not cleaning his room or leaving the door on or the window open on a rainy day. He would never say anything to his son again. He would never hear his voice or feel his soft skin and hair again. He would give anything to trade places with Noah. For it to be him lying dead on a hospital bed. For Holly and Noah to be weeping over him but it would never be that way. He had become one of those people who had outlived their child. He never thought it would happen to him. Granted everybody who lost a child said that but he truly believed it. It was not fair that he had survived so many close calls and so much of his own stupidity but Noah died. Because of him. He had killed his son. He deserved to be locked up. He knew better than to open anonymous envelopes, especially in a federal building. He choked out a violent sob and Gibbs tightened his grip on him.

"Let it out, I've got ya." Gibbs assured.

"My son is dead!" Tony cried.

"I know Tony." Gibbs replied.

"What am I going to do?" Tony asked.

"You are going to fight for yourself and more importantly for Holly." Gibbs replied.

"How am I going to do it? How do you get up in the morning?" Tony asked.

"I'm not gonna lie Tony some days are harder than others. Some days I wish that my breath could just stop but I fight through it. At first it was because I knew that Shannon and Kelly wanted me too but now I do it. Because I know that people need me." Gibbs explained.

"That's good for now but what about when Holly is grown up and doesn't need me anymore? She is thirteen, I have like five years left and then it's over." Tony explained.

"Holly may be almost grown up but she will never stop needing you. She will need you to walk her down the aisle. She will need you to be a grandfather to her children. She will need you to be there when she gets her heartbroken or when she just misses her mom and brother. Take it from me. It is hard enough to lose your dad when you are an adult." Gibbs explained.

"I don't want to die now. I just don't know what I am going to do when she is grown." Tony explained.

"Tony I got news for you. Even if Noah had lived he would have grown up and moved out the same time as Holly." Gibbs explained.

"I know but I wouldn't have to think about it. At least not for a while." Tony replied.

"I know Tony." Gibbs replied.

"Half my family is gone." Tony replied.

"They will never be gone, Tony." Gibbs assured.

* * *

Tony cried hard into his boss's shirt. Gibbs was being so kind and loving to him and Tony knew that everything he said was true but it was all just so hard. Right now he felt like no matter how much love and support he got. He would never be happy again. He knew that he had to be strong for Holly but that was easier said than done. He had no idea how he was going to get through this. How did you just get through the loss of a child? Gibbs told him that he just had to fight through but Gibbs was a hell of a lot stronger than he was.

"You are just as strong as I am. Maybe even stronger." Gibbs said.

"How can you say that?" Tony asked.

"You raised two kids on your own for ten years. One of whom had severe health problems. You stayed by your son's side through a terminal illness. I have no idea if I could do that." Gibbs explained.

"I just feel so weak" Tony admitted.

"I know" Gibbs replied.

"I mean why did it have to be Noah?" Tony asked.

"That one I cannot answer. I cannot even give you a hint to that one. Because I am still trying to figure out why it was my girls." Gibbs explained.

"I just keep thinking that maybe there was something I could have done. I should have taken him sooner. I should have been able to save him." Tony explained.

"There wasn't, Tony. It was his time. Please don't drive yourself crazy with the what ifs they will do nothing to help you." Gibbs explained.

"It's hard not to." Tony admitted.

"I know" Gibbs replied.

"I just keep thinking of my poor Holly. She loved him so much. Maybe even more than I did. She was such a mother hen to him." Tony explained.

"It will be hard on her and I have no idea how to help her but Ziver does and she adores that girl. So do not worry for her too much." Gibbs explained.

"This makes me glad that I am an only child, I will never have to worry about losing my sibling. I tease McGee when Sarah gives him trouble but today is the first day I felt it." Tony explained.

"Tony" Gibbs whispered.

"I just want to help Holly and be able to hug Noah again. I hugged him almost every day he was alive but it still doesn't feel like enough." Tony explained.

"It never is but at least you have the memories. Those are the best things in the world. The memories are. They keep you sane." Gibbs explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Up next Tony and Holly talk for the first time since Noah's death. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	9. Next Day

Tony did not get a second of sleep the night his son died. Looking back the next morning. He didn't even know why he bothered. How could he even think about sleep after watching his son die? He should have stayed awake and comforted his daughter. He imagined how hard the night must have been for Holly. Gibbs and Ziva had stayed the night. Gibbs slept on the couch and Ziva spent the night in the spare room. When morning finally arrived he climbed out of bed, tossed on some clothes that may or may not have been the same he wore the day before and headed downstairs. He found Gibbs and Ziva sitting at the table. Gibbs was reading the paper and Ziva was munching on a piece of toast.

"Tony" Gibbs greeted simply.

"Morning boss" Tony replied.

"How are you holding up?" Ziva asked.

"OK, I guess." Tony sighed.

"Just let me know if you need anything." Gibbs replied.

"You can't give me what I need." Tony replied.

"I know" Gibbs replied.

"Is Holly up yet?" Ziva asked.

"Not that I know of." Tony replied.

"I got her calmed down last night but she was still pretty freaked out when I went to bed but she refused anymore help. I would go up and check on her." Ziva commented.

"OK just let me get some food in me. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday." Tony replied.

"Go ahead, it is good that you want to eat. I didn't." Gibbs replied.

"Hey can you guys clear out? I think it would be best to be alone with Holly." Tony asked.

"Of course" Gibbs replied.

"Just call if you need anything." Ziva added.

* * *

After Gibbs and Ziva left, Tony choked down a bowl of cereal and sat alone in silence. He looked at the clock on the microwave. It was almost eight in the morning on the first day of summer vacation. If this were like the past eight years. Holly would already be up, have eaten breakfast, and be arguing with Noah to get up and start the day already. While he sadly got ready for work. This year he was sitting alone in the kitchen, while Holly lay in bed, and Noah was lying in one of Ducky's drawers. Noah had been terminal. So everything was planned in advance. The casket was selected and so was the headstone. Noah was going to be buried next to Kate in Indiana. Director Vance had arranged for Noah's body to be transported via a private plane. So the family could fly together one last time. There would be a celebration of Noah's life at St. Marks Catholic Church for the friends that could not make the trip to Indiana and his funeral would be held at the Todd's family church in Indiana. All Tony had to do was set dates for the services, arrange the flight, and the worst part call Kate's family. Her brothers weren't so bad but her parents would be a nightmare. They hadn't bothered to come or even call when Noah was sick but they would be sure to make it seem like Tony had kept him from them, when he called. The one good thing with severing all ties with DiNozzo Senior was that he would not have to break the news to his father. Not wanting to put it off anymore. He took out his phone and dialed his in laws number.

"Hello?"

"Mark? Rose? It's me Tony."

"What's going on Tony?"

"I hate to tell you this but Noah died last night."

"What?"

"He had been really sick, remember?"

"Oh well I guess that you couldn't get him treatment because that would get in the way of your gluttony and movie addiction. That's why our Caitlin is dead too."

"You know what I just lost my son. I am not up for this. I will call you when I know the date of the funeral. I got the number for Matt."

* * *

His conversation with the Todd's only left Tony feeling more discouraged. He arranged for the celebration of life to take place on Monday at noon. Holly and him would fly out with Noah's body bright and early Tuesday morning and Noah would be laid to rest Wednesday at two in the afternoon. He updated Noah's obituary with the date of death and the dates of the services and emailed it to the paper. He looked at the clock on his laptop. It was nearly one in the afternoon and Holly was still not up. This was not at all like her. He walked upstairs and found her lying on the floor clutching the same photo album, he had found her reading the day her first met Ziva.

"Holly?" Tony called.

"I'm up" Holly groaned standing up.

"It's OK, nobody is rushing you. I was just wondering how you were doing." Tony assured.

"My twin is dead? How do you think I am doing?" Holly asked.

"I guess that was a stupid question." Tony replied.

"Ziva talked me down last night and Gibbs sat with me when I couldn't sleep but I still just feel so lost." Holly explained.

"That doesn't go away right away." Tony replied.

"What if I forget about him? What if my children ask about their uncle and I can't remember anything?" Holly asked.

"You will never forget him. Noah was such a presence. He will never let you forget him." Tony assured.

"He was always something of a mama's boy. I guess it's good that they are together again." Holly admitted.

"You are so wise." Tony replied.

"I am so glad that I at least have you." Holly replied.

"I am glad to at least have you too, you are my special girl." Tony replied.

"So how long do you think you will stay off of work?" Holly asked.

"I don't know, Holl. I may not go back." Tony sighed.

"Really?" Holly asked.

"I just don't know if my heart is it anymore." Tony admitted.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony end up leaving NCIS? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	10. Long, Hard Day

It had a been a long and hard day for Tony and Holly. A day spent mostly apart in awkward silence. Both Ziva and Gibbs had told him to talk to Holly and make sure that she was OK but not to pressure her. The conversation in Holly's room had been brief and had ended when Holly broke down crying and begged Tony to leave her alone. He complied, went to his room, and cried, himself. He wanted nothing more than for this to all be a horrible nightmare and for Noah to come running into his room, jump onto his bed, and embrace him. He wanted to have to rush home from work to get to Noah's big soccer game. His son had loved soccer so much, he had even talked about playing in college and then going pro. Instead he was dead at only fourteen years old. Tony remembered thinking that it was the end of the world when he blew out his knee and cost himself his basketball career. At least he was still alive, at least he didn't leave his family with a huge hole that could never be filled. Dating Ziva had helped to repair the hole left by Kate but it would always be there. When it came to Noah, even if Ziva and him did somehow have children. They would never even begin to repair the hole left by Noah. Even with Gibbs by his side, to help him through the devastating loss of a child. He still felt totally and completely alone. He had a daughter who was broken and he himself was completely lost. He curled himself up on the bed and cried. He was shocked that he had any tears left. He was surprised that he was not dehydrated. He had not eaten or drank anything since breakfast and that was just enough to get his blood sugar back up. Most of the day was spent in tears and when he wasn't crying. He was so numb that he actually missed the stabbing feeling of grief. Word of Noah's death had spread faster than Tony would have liked. Neighbors had seen the hearse. Most knew right away that it was Noah, because they knew that he had been sick but others had to inquire with Gibbs or Ziva. Vance had shot out an email to everyone at NCIS and Ziva had informed her fellow teachers. People had been coming by all day to drop off food, flowers, and cards. Luckily most of the visits were extremely short. Because he really did not want to be around anybody but Holly right now. Especially after the conversation with Kate' parents. There was no denying that they hated him and blamed him for the death of their daughter and now their grandson. He must have fallen asleep, because when he woke up the sun was beginning to set. He pulled himself out of bed and made his way downstairs. He would have to heat up one of the casseroles for him and Holly. He had just grabbed one of the fridge and was placing it in the oven. When he heard a knock on the front door. Groaning he set the pan on the stove and made his way to the door. When he opened it, he saw Abby, Bishop, Ducky, McGee and Delilah, Jimmy and Breena standing on the porch.

"Oh Tony! I am so! So! SO! SORRY!" Abby cried throwing her arms around him.

"I'm really sorry, Tony." Bishop added.

"Terribly sorry for your loss Anthony. If there is anything I can do, I am just a phone call and a short drive away." Ducky said.

"I am sorry Tony." McGee said.

"Please know that we are here for you Tony." Delilah added.

"I am sorry Tony and I wish that I could make all this pain go away." Jimmy said.

"We are here for you too." Breena added.

"Thanks guys, it means a lot it really does." Tony replied.

"How are you holding up?" McGee asked.

"Not so great, today has been a lot rougher than I thought. Holly will not even talk to me." Tony explained.

"I am surprised that Jethro is not here, helping you two out." Ducky remarked.

"I sent Ziva and him home this morning. I just wanted privacy." Tony replied.

"Oh, should we go?" Breena asked

"We were going to come earlier but Jethro said that we needed to keep our distance. Finally we just decided that it would be a good enough time. I am terribly sorry. If this was not a wise idea." Ducky replied.

"No it's fine. Come on in." Tony replied.

"We won't stay long." McGee assured.

* * *

Holly thrust the photo album she had been looking at, hard against the wall of her bedroom. The corner of the album made a small dent in the wall but she did not care. It was just a stupid wall. What was the point of getting all hysterical. It was nothing and meant nothing. All that mattered right now was Noah. He should still be here. He was supposed to be here. Teenagers were not supposed to die and twins were not supposed to die so many years apart. Twins were supposed to die at an old age. Just hours or days apart from each other. She could here her dad and his co-workers talking downstairs. Normally she would fly down the stairs and excitedly talk with them about their days (the parts they could/would share anyway) but not today. Today she just wanted to be alone. She wanted to cry and forget her pain. She wanted to mourn for Noah alone, in peace. Not with a bunch of people who had no idea what she was going through. Ziva understood her but Holly didn't even want to talk to her. She truly just wanted to be alone. She had tried to talk to her dad and it it was very nearly impossible. She just wanted to be alone. She walked over, picked up the album, closed it, and set it back on the shelf. She walked back over to her bed and for what felt like the millionth time that day. She burst into tears. Suddenly she wished that Ziva and her dad were there but she still more than anything wanted to be alone. Was this what her life would be from now on? Was it just going to be depression, rage, and misery? Or would their be a light at the end of the tunnel?

* * *

 **A/N: Will Holly be able to cope with her brother's death? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**

* * *

 **A/N 2: Next chapter will be about the funeral in Indiana and then I will skip ahead a few weeks. Also after this story is complete. There will be the third and final installment. It will take place several years after the first two stories. Holly will be in college and raising her son and Tony and Ziva will have a few surprises themselves.**


	11. Heading For Goodbye

It was early Tuesday morning and Tony and Holly were about to take off for Indiana. Ziva and Gibbs would be following later in the afternoon. Gibbs was the only one from NCIS who was able to attend. Everybody else was needed at their posts but they had all been at the celebration of life the day before. Ziva had wanted to fly with the DiNozzo's but Eliana was supposed to leave for a trip with her best friend two hours after the family left and Ziva wanted to see her daughter off. Tony truly wished that his son was not going to be buried in Indiana but his last wish was to be buried next to his mom and that's where the family plots were. They would plant a tree or donate a park bench in his honor. Just like they had done with Kate, Jenny, and all the other friends they had buried in other states. Tony had barely made it through the celebration of life and Holly had to leave in the middle. The celebration of life was meant to be upbeat and just a way to share memories and honor Noah's memory and still the remaining DiNozzo's had struggled to get through the day. Leaving Tony wondering. How they would get through the somber funeral and burial. Especially knowing that Kate's family would be there and that at least her parents. Would be less than sympathetic. The drive to the air-port was dead silent. In the pale morning light. Tony got the first good glimpse of his daughter, he had gotten in a while. When they boarded the plane and Holly sat in the direct sunlight. It hit him that she really did look like that. That it was not just an allusion and his heart broke. She looked like a completely different kid. She looked older and her happy demeanor was gone. Replaced by a frown and look of pure misery. His heart broke for her. He could not even begin to imagine the pain that she was feeling. He wished that she would open up to him but anytime he tried to talk to her. She would shut him down or run off to her room. He had begged both Gibbs and Ziva for advice and they said that all he could do. Was leave her be and make sure that she did not totally shut herself off from the rest of the world. So every day he made her get out and do something and he insisted that she be out when people came over to send their condolences. It was a hard fight but Tony refused to lose his only daughter too. He would never be able to live without both of his children. He just wouldn't. He reached over and placed his hands on Holly's shoulders.

"You will be OK, baby girl." Tony whispered.

"No I won't." Holly sniffed.

"Please talk to me." Tony begged.

"I loved him and I hate that he is gone." Holly admitted, before putting in her headphones. The plane took off and Tony wished that he could be anywhere else but where he was and anybody else besides who he was.

* * *

Gibbs made his way through the airport, praying that nobody would talk to him. He had enough trouble with the people looking at him. He was angry and depressed. It killed him to hear people around him complain because their flight was delayed or it had rained on their vacation. He was about to board a plane to fly to his grandson's funeral. Seeing Tony and Holly breakdown the day before. Had nearly destroyed him. When Holly completely fell apart, Jimmy was the one to drive her home but he was the one who helped her walk out to the car. She was a dead-weight. Tony ran behind them, crying and insisting that he leave too but Gibbs made him stay. Holly was in good hands and Tony needed to be there for his son's celebration of life. He got to the desk and showed his ticket.

"Enjoy your trip!" The girl at the counter called with way too much enthusiasm.

"It isn't a pleasure trip!" Gibbs snapped.

"Oh I am sorry" The girl apologized.

"Just can the phony enthusiasm when you see somebody who looks like me!" Gibbs ordered.

"We have to be chipper!" The girl called.

"Fine! I am sorry! OK!" Gibbs snapped as he stormed of to security. Just his luck, his little outburst caused him to be selected for a more detailed security check. Where was his NCIS badge when he needed it?

* * *

Ziva looked at her young daughter, who sat beside her in the passenger seat. She could not imagine how she would feel. If she had lost her beloved little girl. She had no idea how Tony had gotten through the past few days. She was having a hard enough time thinking about the week she would spend without her daughter. She could hardly imagine a lifetime. Eliana's friend Mary had invited her to Disney World weeks before and it just happened to occur the same time as Noah DiNozzo's funeral service. In a way Ziva was relieved that her daughter would not have to endure the service but still she was uneasy about being apart. The death of Noah, had reminded her just how easy it was to lose a child and so much could go wrong on trips. The plane could crash, one of the rides could malfunction, somebody could open fire at the park, the hotel could burst into flames. It was all just so... so terrifying.

"Tateleh, I want you to call me when you arrive and to at least text me every-night." Ziva said.

"Why, Ima?" Eliana asked.

"Just so that I can be sure that you are OK." Ziva replied.

"Don't worry, Ima. Everything will be fine." Eliana assured.

"I know but I worry." Ziva replied.

"OK, I will contact you as soon as we get off the plane and at least once a day. I love you Ima and I will miss you." Eliana replied.

"I will miss you too baby girl." Ziva replied.

"Have fun." Eliana said, she got out of the car and followed her mom into the airport.

"It is not fun, Tateleh but it is something I must do." Ziva replied, kissing her daughter on the top of her head.

* * *

 **A/N: Not sure if I am going to write about the funeral after all. I may just do my time skip. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading**.


	12. No Good In Goodbye

Tony reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes. The day had barely begun and he had no idea how he would get through the rest of it. In three hours he would be burying his son. It had been a hard day but the night before was much worse. Holly and him had barely been at The Todd's house five minutes when Rose had the DiNozzo's in in tears. Tony grabbed his stuff and Holly, rushed out of the house and ended up going to the hotel where Gibbs and Ziva were staying. Tony spent most of the night crying in Gibbs's arms. He wanted nothing more for this ordeal to be over and for him to being back in his own home. Focusing on himself and his baby girl. Until then he had to be strong and pretend like he could actually stand the Todd's. At least after this he could go back to avoiding them. Holly had declared that she never wanted to see them again either. He prayed that they would get their wish and permanently erase Mark and Rose from their lives. Kate's brothers weren't too bad, as long as their parents were not around and Rachel had always been close to the DiNozzo's. She would be the one to rush to Tony's defense when her parents attacked him.

* * *

Ziva stepped through the front doors of the church where Noah's funeral was being held. It had been years since she had been in a church. Not since Talia was still alive and they went to visit their Aunt Nettie in America. She was dating a Catholic man at the time and they took the girls to church one Sunday. She was only ten years old at the time and didn't remember much about that experience. Just getting yelled at by an old man in a black robe for hiding in the little room that was like a wardrobe with seats in it and wondering why these people loved Kenny Rogers so much. Until that point any time she saw a picture of Jesus he was dark skinned and much thinner than the pale skinned, blue eyed man she saw on the stained glass window behind the alter. Now over twenty years later she was back in a Catholic church but she would not be laughing or causing trouble. She would be crying over the loss of Noah and trying her best to hold her boyfriend and his daughter together.

"Excuse me, man. This part of the service is for family only. Please go back outside." A round, elderly woman who was dressed all in black except for a large crucifix necklace.

"I am Tony's girlfriend, he told me that I could attend early." Ziva replied nervously.

"He invited his girlfriend to the family only part of the service? Has he no respect for my baby girl? No... no he does not. He is disgusting, absolutely disgusting." Rose muttered.

"Tony is not disgusting! How dare you say that! It has been ten years! He moved on because Holly needed a mother and he needed a companion!" Ziva snapped.

"He needed a cheap lay and somebody to pawn Holly off on. He has no respect for anyone but Tony. I can't believe my sweet girl fell for him." Rose replied.

"I can't do this!" Ziva spat.

"Oh lovely a Star of David. I guess Anthony wants Holly to have nothing to do with her heritage. Of course he is pretty much dammed when he faces Jesus." Rose remarked.

"Hey! Leave her alone!" Gibbs snapped coming up behind Ziva.

"Oh it's Anthony's boss. Who for some reason he sees as a father." Rose sighed.

"More of a father then Senior EVER was! Now just leave Ziver alone! OK?! I get that you are mourning too but this is no way to act! Tony loved Kate and after ten years of being alone, he met a woman who made him feel whole! He prayed for a sign that Kate was OK with him moving on! And he asked Holly for her blessing! Don't you EVER say that he did not care!" Gibbs spat.

"Well then" Rose scoffed turning to leave

* * *

It was a quarter until noon and the funeral was supposed to start at twelve. The burial was supposed to take place at two. It was an hour's drive from the church to the cemetery. Tony was relieved that Kate and Noah's plots were far from the Todd's house. That would reduce the risks of accidentally running into the Mark and Rose by a lot. They were getting older and had started to limit their driving and the number of days they went out. There was a cemetery less than two blocks from the Todd's home but it was barely fifty years old and the Todd's had been buried at Peace Gardens Century for over a hundred years. It was a beautiful place that Noah had always loved. While Tony waited for the service to begin he sat alone in the church's smaller chapel room and reflected on the past few days. Days of tears and pain. People he encountered who had never lost a child, told him that it would be better after the burial was completed. They had no idea. Gibbs was right, it would never get better. He rested his arms on the pew in front of his and buried his face in his sleeves. Fresh tears were freely flowing down his cheeks. Would he ever stop crying? At this point he severely doubted that he would. He actually had been doing pretty well the day before and then came his confrontation with the Todd's, everything went to hell, and his eyes had not been dry since. Even worse Holly was emotionally devastated. He hated seeing his baby girl in pain. She had always been such a happy child, it killed him to see her so lost and so broken.

"Dad" Holly called entering the small private chapel used for mourning families and smaller services.

"What?" Tony asked.

"People have started to arrive." Holly replied.

"Oh OK" Tony replied standing.

"I can do this. I can do this." Holly whispered to herself.

"What did you say?" Tony asked.

"Nothing lets go out there." Holly replied rushing ahead of her father.

* * *

It was the night after Noah's funeral and Holly could not wait to get out of Indiana. Her grandparents lived in a boring small town with nothing to do and right now she needed a distraction. They had buried her brother that afternoon. Her dad went to bed as soon as they got back to the hotel and had not moved since. He was completely destroyed and it was devastating for the teen. She at least needed to get some fresh air. She walked down the street that ran behind the hotel, hoping that her grandparents did not see her walking out. It was only three blocks from the hotel to their house. So it was far too likely for her to bump into him. No it was after midnight. They would have long since been asleep.

"Hey you!" A boy called from the shadows.

"M...Me?" Holly stammered.

"Yeah you" The boy replied.

"Wh...what do you want?" Holly asked nervously

"Some friends and I were partying and we have a few brewskis left over. You want one?" The boy asked.

"Brewski? Like a beer?" Holly asked.

"Well duh! What else would a brewski be?" The boy asked.

"I don't know." Holly replied.

"Well do you want one or not?" The boy asked.

"Uh sure" Holly replied nervously, she knew that drinking was bad but she also wanted to forget this day and alcohol was a good way to do that.

* * *

 **A/N: This is just the start of a rebellious and destructive streak for Holly. Will Tony and Ziva be able to save her? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	13. Fog

Two months had passed since Noah DiNozzo's death. Tony and Holly were still burdened by the grief but they were feeling it, in completely different ways. Tony had fallen into a state of numbness. He had gone back to work but was sidelined to desk duty. Because he was in too much of a fog to be an effective field agent. Holly on the other hand was well to put it simply. She was broken. She would cry herself to sleep every night and it was near impossible for her to get through a day without breaking down in tears or lashing out in anger. Tony wept for his little girl's grief almost as much as he did over Noah's death. It killed him that one of his children was dead and the surviving child was in so much pain. So much pain that he could do nothing about but it only made things worse when he cried around Holly. So a couple weeks after Noah died, he started swallowing his grief to protect her and after a while he fell into a state of numbness. He felt nothing. He hadn't just suppressed his grief for Noah but he had also lost all feeling. When the case he was working went wrong he felt nothing, when he got into an argument with Ziva he felt nothing, when Eliana was selected out of all of the girls in her ballet class to compete be in a performance of "Swan Lake" at Malia Obama's birthday party he felt nothing. When Holly came in late one night in late June reeking of booze and he noticed red gashes on her wrists. He felt and did nothing. Everybody had noticed but except for Gibbs nobody knew what to do or say. Gibbs had taken away all of his guns and had begun to pop by at all hours they were off of work. Always with some flimsy excuse. Everything from the pizza place had put onions on his pizza and onions did not agree with him anymore to he needed to borrow a hammer. Seriously, Leroy Jethro Gibbs expected, him to think. That he did not have a hammer. The rest of the team had taken notice too and would come over in the evenings with movies and engage him in clearly scripted conversations. He knew that everybody was worried that, he was going to kill himself and feared that one mistake would be the straw the broke the camels back and they would forced to live the rest of their lives. With the blood of their friend and teammate on their hands. He hadn't properly felt emotions in two months but he wasn't going to kill himself. It would be completely unfair to Holly if he committed suicide. He had enough sanity to know that much at least. It was near impossible for him to get out of bed in the mornings but he had learned how to go through the motions. That's what he did every day. He just went with the routine and prayed that he would seem sane but so far that had not been the case. On this particular day. Ziva and Eliana had come over. School was starting back up in two weeks and Ziva was asking for opinions on how to decorate her classroom. The teacher she was subbing for would be coming back from her maternity leave. So she would be replacing the retiring sixth grade World Cultures Teacher. She was currently trying to decide how to decorate her new classroom and was asking Tony and Eliana's opinions on various decorations and photographs. Tony was pretty zoned out and just agreeing with whatever Eliana liked. That way it wouldn't be entirely his fault if the room turned out poorly. Ziva had just shown a banner of some sort and asked if it would look good in her room. Eliana nodded, so Tony hastily called out that it looked good.

"Tateleh" Ziva said to Eliana.

"What is it, Ima?" Eliana asked.

"You have been inside all day, go out front and shoot baskets or something." Ziva instructed/

"OK" Eliana replied.

* * *

"What is wrong with you?" Ziva asked harshly after Eliana had gone outside.

"Nothing is wrong with me." Tony lied.

"Really? Because you just said that a "University Of Michigan, flag would look wonderful in my room." Ziva retorted holding up the flag.

"Why do you have that flag in the first place?" Tony questioned, trying to change the subject.

"I borrowed it from my neighbor to test you." Ziva replied.

"Test me on what?" Tony asked.

"Jesus Christ, Tony! You are just going through the motions! Do you even know where you are right now?!" Ziva demanded.

"I buried my son two months ago! I am sorry for being out of it!" Tony snapped.

"Tony, I am not angry. I am concerned." Ziva corrected.

"I am fine! OK! I am just fine!" Tony argued.

"Are you?! Are you, just fine?!" Ziva demanded.

"Yes!" Tony spat.

"No! No you are not!" Ziva yelled.

"How can you say?! Last I checked, you were not my therapist!" Tony yelled.

"You are not well, Tony. It is normal to be in a fog after a major loss but you have lost all connection to reality. You have not felt anything since the funeral. Not happiness, not sorrow, not concern, not even anger. At least not until now. That is not healthy. You need to feel something. If not you will become a sociopath." Ziva explained.

"Well maybe you should have gotten on my case sooner!" Tony shot back.

"I did! I have been trying to get you to open up for weeks now. We all have but you just nod and give the shortest answer possible. Half the time it doesn't have anything to do with the question that you were asked." Ziva explained.

"Holly cries all the time and there is nothing I can do for her. We go to our therapy sessions every week but I don't know if she is opening up in her one on one sessions or in her teen group but it is a fight to get her to open up during our sessions together. So I imagine that those aren't much better. She only gets worse when I cry or get upset. So that is why I bury everything. That is why I fell into this emotionless state and just go through the motions. Because I love my daughter and would rather go crazy then see her upset. OK? Is that a good enough answer for you?" Tony explained, truly opening up for the first time in weeks.

* * *

 **A/N: Hopefully Ziva will think to tell Gibbs what Tony told her. Because both Tony and Holly are going down bad roads and need to intervention. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	14. Off The Deep End

Holly threw herself onto her bed, she had been up long enough to go to the bathroom. She didn't even know what time it was. Sometime in the afternoon, maybe. That's all that she knew. The sun was shining through her curtains and splashed in across her carpet and up the wall opposite her windows and children were laughing in the streets. How could the world be so happy? Didn't anybody remember that Noah had died two months earlier. Didn't those kids running around, remember running around and laughing remember that just two months earlier. There parents had baked casseroles and deserts, dressed them in their church clothes, and walked them to the DiNozzo's house and paid their respects, to Noah. To the boy who taught most of them to play soccer and would rush out with antiseptic and cartoon character bandages. When he saw a kid fall down or wipe out. The adults weren't much better they paid their respects and carried on with life as usual. Mrs. Cunningham from down the street had the nerve to ask her how her day was the other day. She responded with "How do you think?!" and then stormed back into her house. It was actually kind of funny to her. How quickly people moved on after somebody died. One minute they were grieving and sharing memories with the deceased's family members. Then the next they were playing and going back to work as if the person never existed. Even her father had gone back to work. He didn't show up half the time but he had still made an attempt to move on. How could he move on so quickly? Noah wasn't just some kid down the street of the child of a co-worker or friend. He was his son! His own flesh and blood but somehow he just move on. As if Noah never existed. As if Holly had always been an only child. She couldn't take this sunshine and laughter anymore. She found the box of tin-foil her dad kept in his room and hung on his windows when he worked a late case and needed to sleep during the day. She also took two of his disposable ear plugs and carried them to her room. She hung the foil over her window but the room still wasn't dark enough. So she shoved an old pair of jeans under hew door. She grabbed the pocket knife Gibbs had given her, off of her dresser and walked over and sat down at the end of her bed. She took the ear plugs out of her pocket and shoved them in her ears. Tony and Ziva were arguing downstairs. As much as she hated how happy everybody was. She was more than happy to be deaf to the fight as well. Once the room was dark and she was deaf. She rolled up her sleeves, flipped her knife open, and jammed it into her wrists. The blood trickled down her arm and formed a red puddle on the carpet. She used to think that girls who cut were just drama queens who did it for attention. Now that her brother was dead. She could see that, cutters didn't do it for attention. They did because they truly were depressed and lost. She could remember the first time she cut. It was the night they got back from Noah's funeral...

* * *

 _Holly had changed into her pajamas as soon as she got home from the airport. They had arrived home at two in the afternoon but she didn't care. She had managed not to get visibly drunk the night before but she still woke up with a killer hangover that morning. Luckily for her, her dad believed that she was just having a breakdown about Noah. She popped some Tylenol and got on the plane. Now she was home basically alone. Her dad had gone out for a jog with Gibbs and Ziva had returned to her home. Leaning Holly all by herself, for the first time since Noah died. She found herself upstairs, standing in the doorway of her brothers room. She hadn't been in their since he took his last breaths. Gibbs had shut the door after the medical supply store took his equipment away. She just wanted to see it but she couldn't actually step inside but she needed to go inside. So she took one deep breath and stepped inside. She surveyed the room and glint of light caught her eye. It was a shiny object sitting on his dresser. She walked over to the dresser and saw that it was Noah's pocket knife. Gibbs had given them each a knife for their eleventh birthday. Her's was under her pillow but Noah preferred just to keep his out. She picked it up and studied it. His showed more ware than hers, probably from being dropped so many times. Even with all the ware, she could still read the engraving on the front. "Noah K DiNozzo, Love Grandpa Gibbs". Gibbs was going to teach them how to do carving and engraving. It was supposed to be a summer project and Noah was so exited. He never got to learn. He would never learn anything again. That thought outraged her and broke her heart. She grabbed the knife and stormed into the bathroom. She climbed into the bathtub and drug the knife across each of her wrists..._

* * *

From that moment on, it was a regular thing for her. Every day she would sit either in her room or in the bathroom and cut fresh slits into her wrists. One day she would work up the courage to make a vertical cut. Ducky had told her once, long before Noah's death and her subsequent destructive behavior. That vertical cuts were the most effective way to commit suicide by laceration. That would be how she left this miserable world. Her dad didn't care about her anyway. She popped her ear plugs out, long enough to hear her dad cry and with that they went straight back in. She put the knife back on the dresser and climbed into bed. At least there was a party tonight. Cora Rosewood held a party almost every weekend. Cora's mom cared for her grandfather on most weekends and her dad had died years ago. Leaving Cora in the care of her college aged sister Britney. Britney would buy beer for Cora and her friends and then go to the movies or just hangout in the basement. Another good thing about Britney was that if anybody got too drunk to go home to their parents. She would call the parents and say that "the kids were having so much fun. That they had decided to have a sleepover." Those calls had saved Holly more than once. Cora was two years older than Holly and all of her friends were at least Sophomores in high school but Cora was in Holly youth group with Holly and was the first one to offer her condolences after Noah died. She invited her to the first party, the first Friday after Noah's funeral and Tony forced her to go. Expecting it to be a prayer circle. Which Holly really did need at the time but, it wasn't prayer. It was a wild high school party. It turns out that Cora just used the goody two shoes, Jesus girl as a facade. She was actually a wild party girl, who didn't really believe in God at all. A belief that Holly found herself agreeing with more and more. What kind of God would take somebody like Noah so young?

* * *

 **A/N: Holly has totally fallen off the deep end. Tony needs to catch on and fast. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	15. A New Step

Tony sat alone at the kitchen table. Tonight was his first night eating alone since Noah died. Normally Holly, Ziva, Eliana, and at least one member of the team would be with him but not today. Holly was at a Bible study at her friend Cora's house. She had been going every Friday and that was the one thing keeping her afloat. Eliana had come down with a stomach virus and Ziva was home with her and the team had caught a case. Now that he was feeling a little better, Tony really did miss going into the field but he hadn't his second psych eval yet and until he was declared mentally competent to go into the field. He was stuck on desk duty. He understood the policy but he was still going crazy. He missed his son and he just wanted his life to go back to normal. Two weeks had passed since the night Ziva had forced him out of his fog. He loved being aware of the world again and not just going through the motions. What he hated was how he felt every little thing now. How so many things reminded him of his son and made him cry. How he got angry at Ziva and the girls so easily. Gibbs and his therapist were helping him work on managing his emotions but both made it clear that he had a very long way to go. He remembered back to all the times that Gibbs was short with him or seemed cold. He thought of how frustrated he got and how before he knew about Shannon and Kelly, he would wonder what was wrong with the older man. Than after he learned about the girls, wondering why he didn't just pull himself together. Because in time he learned how to pull himself together after losing Kate but now that Noah was gone. He really, truly got it. It wasn't that simple when you lost a child. Nothing was simple anymore. One of his children was dead and the other was emotionally lost. Part of him wanted to take the next step in his relationship with Ziva but part of him was afraid that he was moving too fast because of Noah. Part of him was anxious to get back into the field again but part of him was still unsure if he wanted to continue at NCIS. Being alone at the dinner table with only a Tupperware container of leftover spaghetti only made things harder. He hated being alone but was he just grieving or did he really want Ziva and Eliana to live with him permanently? He wished that he could call Gibbs but cases always came at the worst times, didn't they? He heard a knock on the front door and let out an audible groan, as he stood. Expecting that it was just somebody trying to solicit him or one of the neighbors needing to borrow something. His co-workers and Ziva never knocked they just let themselves in, it was too early for Holly to be coming home, and people didn't just randomly show up anymore. Not since the last neighbor dropped off a dish and some flowers after Noah died. He didn't even bother moving fast as he made his way to the front door. When he finally got the door unlocked and opened. He was shocked to see Rachel standing on the other side. They had not talked since the night after Noah's funeral.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"I just thought I would drop by and say hello." Rachel replied.

"Oh well hi." Tony replied.

"How are you holding up?" Rachel asked.

"Not so good." Tony admitted.

"Do you want to talk? Brother in law to sister in law of course. Nothing professional." Rachel offered.

"I actually, really would but I don't know if this is the best thing to tell you." Tony replied.

"Tony I am a shrink, I have heard everything. There is nothing you can tell me that I am not emotionally prepared to hear." Rachel assured.

"I...I want to ask Ziva to marry me." Tony admitted.

"Really?" Rachel asked.

"Yes and I am sorry." Tony apologized.

"What are you sorry for?" Rachel questioned.

"I want to marry somebody new and Kate was your sister." Tony explained.

"Tony when Kate died, I accepted the fact that you would probably want to move on to somebody new. The twins were young and in need of a mom and you were young and had a long way to go just being alone. It hurt but in ten years I have made peace with it. Truth be told I am surprised that you waited this long." Rachel assured.

"So you are really OK with this?" Tony asked.

"Yes" Rachel replied.

"OK" Tony replied.

"So were you just asking for my blessing or is there something that you need to discuss?" Rachel asked.

"I am a little concerned that I am moving too fast." Tony confessed.

"OK, do you love Ziva?" Rachel asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"Will you give her and Eliana all of your love? Never forsaking them? Never running off to a new woman? Will you honor the sacred vows and promise to raise Eliana as if she were your own flesh and blood?" Rachel asked.

"Of course" Tony replied.

"In doing this do you promise to never forget Kate or Noah? And to never leave Holly in the dust even for a second?" Rachel asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"I want you to still follow your heart. I cannot get inside there. I can only get into your head but I think that you are ready." Rachel replied.

"Thank you Rachel." Tony replied.

"It is no trouble at all Tony. I don't care what my parents say. You will always be family." Rachel promised.

"You will always be family too." Tony replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Tony have the courage to pop the question? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	16. Worst First Day

The big day had arrived, Holly's first day of high school. It would also be her first, first day of school without Noah. After a summer vacation of pain and grief. She would be walking through the big double doors of the high school alone At the freshman orientation a stranger would be sitting to the right of her instead of Noah. There would be only DiNozzo, H listed on the homeroom assignments sheet. Instead of right next to her in the Freshman section. Noah's yearbook picture would be on the In Memoriam page in the back. His death would be mentioned in the morning announcements. Noah would be nothing more than the "dead kid" and Holly would be the "sister of the dead kid". She dreaded going back to school. She was still healing, her heart was still broken. She had begged her dad to let her be home-schooled at least for that year but he had refused. Saying that she needed to spend time with her peers and make her life as normal as possible. She would have to live the rest of her life without Noah and the best thing she could do was keep on living. So she put on a fake smile and said that she understood. Three days ago, Ziva had taken her back to school shopping. She pretended to be excited and optimistic as she selected clothes that would make her blend in with Cora and her crew. While still being approved by her father and not putting Ziva in debt. She had always looked forward to the first day of school like most kids looked forward to Christmas but this year she dreaded the day. She had laid in her bed, with the sheet pulled over her head and prayed for an asteroid to hit the school or something. With school starting at eight. She needed to leave no later than seven to catch the bus, so at six thirty that morning. Her dad yanked the sheets off of her face and ordered her to get out of bed. If this were like her first eight years of schooling and Noah were still alive. He would be the one being forced out of bed and she would have been up and ready at five thirty. Noah used to get up at five thirty too. That was when he had to pee and while he was up he would toss on his clothes and then climb into bed until the last minute. Most time just grabbing a pop-tart and bottle of juice on the way out the door. Holly's manor of oversleeping was different. She got out of bed only when her dad made her, quickly ran through her bathroom routine and then got dressed. Her outfit for the first day of school a pair of blue jeans with factory made slits in them a hot pink V-Neck with a pair of blue kissing lips painted on the front and a gray, light-weight long sleeve button down. That she left open. It was a little hot for even a light-weight long sleeve shirt but she didn't want her scars to be visible. She studied herself in the mirror until her dad's calls turned into shouts. She rushed downstairs and saw that it was only six fifty. She had ten minutes before she absolutely had to leave for school. Her dad had poured her a bowl of cereal. She looked at the bowl and scowled.

"I was going to make a big first day breakfast but you wouldn't wake up." Tony explained.

"No this is fine." Holly sighed.

"Are you excited about your first day?" Tony asked.

"Yeah" Holly lied.

"I know that this is tough but just remember that even though he isn't physically there. Noah will be with you today." Tony reminded.

"Whatever" Holly scoffed.

"I am sorry baby girl but you need to get back to normal. We both do. Tony explained

* * *

Holly made it to the bus stop, just as the ancient bus pulled up. She jumped on board and made a beeline for the back of the bus. By some miracle nobody talked to her. Bernie Nicolas had split his forehead open at baseball camp and everybody was mystified by his disgusting medical story. Holly sat back in her seat and pretended to be interested. Lest she call attention to herself and remind people of Noah's death. She got to school and went straight to the auditorium for Freshman orientation. Which she found to be painfully boring. About halfway through the two hour orientation. She really had to use the bathroom. She signed out in the back of the room and headed for the bathrooms only to find that the door was locked. She punched the door in frustration. One of the PE coaches noticed her plight and informed her that there was a second entrance outside. She quickly found the outside entrances to the bathrooms and raced into the girl's room. When she was finished, she washed her hands and stepped back outside. She was heading back to the auditorium. When somebody waved to her from the side of the football field announcers box. She walked over and saw Cora leaning against the wall, two girls other girls were squatting on the ground and two boys stood to the side. They were smoking.

"Here girl! You need one of these!" Cora squealed.

"I don't know my dad has bad lungs." Holly commented.

"He also works late, just pop em in the wash when you get home and he'll be fine." Cora replied.

"I have to get back to orientation." Holly said.

"Just light up, take a ten minute smoke. If anybody asks say Aunt Flow is in town." Cora offered.

"What are you chicken?" One of the boys asked.

"Nah she's just a baby!" One of the other girls snapped.

"I'll try it." Holly replied, taking the cigarette.

* * *

Holly managed to sneak back into the auditorium without anybody asking where she had been or smelling the smoke on her. She took an empty seat in the back of the room. When the assembly was over, she went to her homeroom and was given her schedule. There were no real classes on the first day of school. Freshman had orientation first thing in the morning, then sophomores and juniors had hour long orientations and Senior's ended the day with a two hour orientation. If you weren't in orientation you were either in homeroom or at lunch. Holly wasn't sure what the upperclassmen did but the freshman took a tour of the school and then after lunch were turned loose to try and find their classes on their own. In the middle of lunch the loudspeaker clicked on.

" _Attention Students! Will; Greg Atmore, Holly DiNozzo, Shelby Kennedy, Patrick Myers, Cora Rosewood, Joe Watson, Kelly Williams, and Zelda Zimmerman please report to the guidance office._

* * *

Holly starred down nervously at her tray. She knew what that announcement was for and she knew most of those names. In fact she was pretty sure that at least two of them were smoking with Cora. Who had also been called up. Every year since fifth grade every kid who had, had a traumatic experience over the summer or just had a rough home life in general got called up to the guidance office. They were told that the counselors were there for them and to come for support anytime. What they were really saying was. "Hey did you go through hell this summer/does your home life just suck in general? Well we are here for you as long as it is during office hours. So come to us instead of offing yourself or shooting up the place. Which would look really bad on our part. But hey if you do decide to open fire in the library. Just remember our faces and that we care. We also have kids. So don't shoot us or anybody especially yourself." Holly mumbled the true conversation to herself as she made her way to the guidance office. The meeting went exactly as she had expected. She listened to the lecture and agreed to come in if need be. She was exiting the office when Chris McGee saw her and ran up to her. Just her luck, the person she had worked so hard to avoid. He was annoying enough when Noah was alive. She could imagine how terrible he would be now.

"Hi Holly" Chris said nervously.

"Oh hi, Chris." Holly replied.

"How are you?" Chris asked.

"OK uh I need to go." Holly replied, hoping to get out of the conversation.

"Don't worry lunch still has ten minutes." Chris assured.

"What do you want, Chris?" Holly asked.

"I saw your scars." Chris pointed out.

"What scars?" Holly asked innocently.

"The ones on your wrist." Chris replied

"Oh it was an accident with my pocket knife." Holly lied.

"No Holly, that many of those scars. That is cutting." Chris replied.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Holly demanded.

"I am a guidance aide during my free period." Chris explained.

"That doesn't make you a shrink! No leave me alone your creep!" Holly spat, spinning around and running from the room as fast as she could.

* * *

 **A/N: At least somebody finally caught onto Holly's behavior. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	17. Closed Off

Tony looked at his watch. Holly should be home any minute now. Just like every other year Gibbs had sent Tony, McGee, and Abby home for the afternoon. He could not wait to hear about his baby girl's first day of school. It hurt knowing that Noah would not be walking through the door with her. That he would only hear one child's first day story. It was hard sending Holly off that morning because it was clear that she was not at all happy about going back but she did need to get back to normal. She had, had the whole summer to mourn. Now it was time to get back to reality. He was hopeful that she would fond something at school to distract her. She had been in so many clubs and committees in junior high. It amazed Tony that she could do so much. High school had so many more activities, though most you had to try out for due to the school's large size. Clubs like SADD, the teenage political affiliation clubs, and any career or social based club was open to any and all students who wished to attend but Student Government and Leadership as well as the exclusive service clubs only took a small number of students. He could see Holly starting a future NCIS agents club. She had talked about doing that since she was little. She had also mentioned trying out for at least one sports team in high school. Students were only allowed to participate in one seasonal sport. Since anytime games or practices overlapped the teams suffered greatly. Needless to say he was expecting to be bombarded with permission slips and forms upon Holly's arrival home. The front door swung open and then slammed shut. Holly stormed into the house and threw her backpack down on the floor. She turned to walk into the kitchen and Tony saw how tired she looked. He knew that her first day back would probably be rough but he didn't think that it would be this bad.

?How was your first day? You look exhausted." Tony asked.

"Don't talk to me!" Holly snapped before storming into the kitchen.

* * *

Tony instantly regretted asking Holly about her day. He had seen how tired and depressed she looked. HE should have just kept his mouth shut. When was he going to learn just to keep his mouth shut? That was the one thing Kate disliked about him. Well that and the fact that he had gone to Ohio State and insisted that they raise the kids as Buckeyes fans. He was probably lucky she didn't kill him. When he said that. "It was only fair that the twins be Buckeyes fans. Because they were being raised her religion and shouldn't he get something?" He remembered sleeping on Gibbs's couch for about a week after that one but he still didn't learn. He said stupid things to Kate until she died and then he started dumping it on the twins. Now that Noah was gone. Poor Holly was probably going to be stuck with his full load of stupid. Unless of course at forty four years old, he finally learned not to be a complete moron and stopped putting his foot in his mouth so damned much.

* * *

Tony kept his distance from Holly until dinner time. He figured if she took a good long nap and decompressed a bit. She would be just fine. At least he hoped that, that was the case. The last thing he needed was for Holly to be this moody and unpredictable all the time. No she had just had a long and emotional day. She would be just fine anytime now. At least he hoped so. This was uncharted territory for him. It was hard enough being a single parent. Being a one of two parents was bad enough but being a single father to a child in Holly's situation. That was just painfully difficult. He checked on all of the parenting groups he was in and nobody could give him a straight answer. He had come on his knees to Gibbs and Ziva. Begging them for answers but even they could not give him a definite answer. They just said to watch her and make sure she didn't harm herself or start acting out and be there. Even with all the love and support. He was still in this alone. He wished that Holly had friends he could talk to but she had severed ties with Julia and everybody else around the time Noah got his diagnosis. He had tried to ask Cora about it before but she said that the Bible studies were strictly confidential. Noah was the only person who he could count on to spy on Holly and vice-versa. Well there were the McGee children but Holly couldn't stand Chris and she was fighting with Julia. He wished that just one of her new friends would clue him in. After he had dinner in the oven he went up to Holly's room to try and talk her out. He banged on the door until Holly finally stormed out.

"What do you want?!" Holly demanded.

"Dinner is ready." Tony replied.

"I am not hungry!" Holly snapped.

"Are you sure? You haven't eaten since lunch." Tony asked.

"I know my body." Holly replied.

"OK but come down if you change your mind. I can reheat it." Tony replied.

"I will" Holly lied.

* * *

Chris McGee parked his bike in Holly's driveway and walked up to the front door. He was scared to death but he needed to tell Tony. He knew that Holly would do the same thing for him if he were acting that way. He also knew that he had promised Noah he would look after Holly. He also knew that he had been in love with Holly since before he could walk. Unfortunately she did not return the feelings and in recent years had started to hate him. He knocked on the door and eventually Tony answered.

"Chris? What are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"I need to tell you something Mr. DiNozzo." Chris replied.

"What is it son?" Tony asked.

"I think that Holly is suicidal. She's cutting herself and I think that she's been partying. She looks terrible and she just acts like she wants to die." Chris explained.

"I'm calling Gibbs and her therapist." Tony replied, paling.

* * *

 **A/N: At least Tony knows now. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	18. Step Forward

For the past week Holly DiNozzo's life had been a hell beyond hell. Chris had ratted her out to her dad and now her every move was monitored. Not wanting to get Cora and her new found friend's busted. She had given up going to the parties. The parties were the only good part in her life and now they were gone. She had told her dad that Cora had started volunteering at the homeless shelter on Friday nights and Bible Study was taking a brief hiatus. Her dad had taken her pocket knife and hidden any other sharp object from her. Same for pills and anything that anybody had ever used to commit suicide with. He had even hidden his keys. It made her sick. She couldn't even stay alone after school anymore. Since Ziva was working and Eliana had joined some after school program and her babysitter had taken another job. So she was stuck sitting around the Vance's house with the Vance child and their nanny. She had basically become a prisoner in her own home. She wanted to kill Chris, she seriously hated him. Hadn't he ever heard of privacy before? She had specifically told him not to say anything. So what did he do? Said something immediately. She was going to make him pay.

"Hi, Holly" Julia greeted.

"Oh I'm sorry did you say something?" Holly asked, mockingly.

"Yeah, I said hi." Julia replied.

"See it's funny. Because I could have sworn that I never wanted to speak to you again!" Holly snapped.

"Look, Holly I am sorry that I told my dad but he wanted to know why I was so upset." Julia apologized.

"Well my dad wasn't ready for people outside the family to know yet! I trusted you!" Holly spat

"I didn't know that. I am sorry." Julia apologized.

"And it's not just you! Your brother is a rat too!" Holly bellowed.

"Why because he told your dad that you were suicidal? You are supposed to tell when somebody is going to harm themselves! So he was within his right!" Julia explained, harshly.

"Just watch your back! Because you are both going to pay!" Holly warned.

"Miss. DiNozzo, Miss Fielding-McGee is there some sort of problem here?" Mr. Russell the Vice Principal asked.

"Actually..." Julia started.

"No problem, just rehearsing our play for the, Speak Up Rally" Holly lied.

"Oh well it seems to be very good but from now on if you must rehearse during school hours. Please sign up to use one of our rehearsal rooms. You may sign up with Mrs. Fielder before and after school, during lunch, and between classes." Mr. Russell explained.

"I will be sure to do that." Holly replied.

"Great now run along, tardy bell will be ringing very soon." Mr. Russell explained.

"Of course, Mr. Russell." Holly replied innocently.

* * *

Not wanting to raise suspicions Holly went during lunch and signed up for a practice room. Even though they were open from two hours before school started until four hours after school let out. The four practice rooms filled up very fast. It was incredibly rare for the rooms not to be filled up by the middle of the first week but somehow on the last day of the first week of school. Holly managed to score the last slot available for the semester. It was four to six after school on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays in practice room D. Before and after school were the only times two hour sessions were permitted. During school hours it was only during a class period or during your lunch period. Even after school could be split up if there was enough demand but thus far nobody else wanted that slot. Holly really wasn't that lucky though. The four to six slot was usually the last slot to go. Because nobody wanted to hang out after school for two hours or have to drive back to make their slot. Practice Room D was always the last to fill up. Practice Rooms A-C were only built five years ago when Mr. Davis the former chorus and drama teacher died. Having no family he left his money to the school's arts department. They were clean with, great acoustics and padded seats. Practice Room D was a converted janitors closet converted for overflow. The walls were a yellowish brown, with ancient sawdust on the floor. The chair was just an old stool with a back on it, the acoustics were terrible and the side wall was shared with the cafeteria. Meaning that the room always smelled of cabbage and mystery meat. Holly didn't mind though. This slot got her out of going to the Vance's three days a week and may just make her dad think that she was healing.

"Now this says that you want to rehearse for the "Speak Up, Rally" but that is only only six weeks away and this room is for the entire semester. Do you sing or play an instrument or can we open the room back up after the rally?" Mrs. Fielder asked.

"I play guitar." Holly replied. It wasn't a lie she could play a little.

"OK. Do you own a guitar or will you need to loan one from the school?" Mrs. Fielder asked.

"I need to loan one." Holly replied.

"OK, it is twenty-five dollars a semester to loan an instrument. If you have financial troubles then you may loan for free. Just speak with Mr. Strickland in the band room and he will give you a list of jobs you can do to work off the debt." Mrs. Fielder explained.

"No, I can afford it." Holly replied, handing Mr. Fielding the fifty dollars Tony had given her for lunch money.

"Do you want to pay up for the full year?" Mrs. Fielder asked.

"No just this semester." Holly replied.

"Just wait here and I will be back with your change." Mrs. Fielder replied.

"OK" Holly replied.

"Oh yeah, I am sorry about Noah." Mrs. Fielder replied.

"Thank you" Holly replied, she was sick of hearing people apologize about Noah's death. Her brother had died but people acted like they had accidentally ran over his skateboard or something. He was dead, apologizing would do nothing.

* * *

It was a Friday and that meant that Holly got the practice room. She was actually excited about it and not just because it got her away. She actually did want to learn to play guitar, well. She called her dad and told him what she was doing. He said that he was proud of her and was glad to see that she was getting out again. While she waited she walked to the coffee shop down the street, bought a small Cookies and Cream Cappuccino and sat down in the corner. Using the free WiFi to check her social media accounts and watch Noah's old YouTube videos. Her alarm went off a quarter til four and she made her way back to the school. While she waited she got a text from Ziva that she would be picking her up on the way home from work. For the first time in a long time Holly smiled. She was never much of a musician. According to her father and she was a gifted piano player but Noah had always wanted to play guitar. Unfortunately he never got a chance to learn. Holly had never been interested in playing guitar before but it would be a great way to honor her brother and it may just heal her. By the time she had checked out her guitar and heard the rules of the practice rooms. She only had an hour left in her session but it would at least be a little time. As she was walking down the hall, the door to Practice Room C opened and a tall, muscular boy with brown hair and piercing blue eyes stepped out. Holly wasn't sure but she was almost positive that she had seen him at Cora's parties.

"Hi, Holly." The boy greeted.

"Uh hi..." Holly replied.

"It's me, Chad from Cora's parties." Chad replied.

"Oh hi, Chad!" Holly greeted.

"I didn't know you were into music." Chad commented.

"Oh I am just going to learn to play guitar. I took a couple of lessons once but it was a long time ago and it was only two sessions." Holly explained.

"Well I have been playing since I was four and I have to share the time slot with some geek. He signed up at the last minute and this was all they could do." Chad explained.

"Are you offering lessons?" Holly asked.

"Do you want lessons?" Chad asked.

"Sure" Holly replied.

"Great and maybe we can grab coffee sometime or something." Chad replied.

"I would really love that, Chad." Holly replied.

"Me too, Holly. Oh and here's my number." Chad replied, handing Holly a slip of paper.

"Wow thanks, I've never gotten a boys number before." Holly replied, smiling.

* * *

 **A/N: Is Chad what he seems or is he too good to be true? Either way Holly is far from back to normal. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	19. Questions

After months of emotional suffocation, Tony finally felt as if he could breathe. Noah's death still weighed heavily on his mind every day but he was getting better at coping but more importantly. Holly had finally begun to come around. She had a month of high school under her belt and she was taking guitar lessons three afternoons a week. She had even met a boy named Chad. Tony wasn't exactly comfortable with his daughter being so close to a boy. Especially one that he had never met but Holly had shown him texts and Chad seemed like a good Christian boy. Apparently he went to the bible studies that Holly used to attend. Still something was concerning to Tony. He hoped that he was wrong and that Chad would be good to his baby girl. She really did deserve happiness. Tony's own love life was going well at least. Ziva was coming over that night and for the first time in months they would be alone. Holly was going to be at Chad's football game and Eliana was going to the birthday p arty of a one of the girl's from her dance class. Tony patted his pocket. Tonight might just be the night that he popped the question. He had bought the ring weeks ago but today was the first day that he truly felt confident enough to pop the question. He was feeling better and more importantly Holly was feeling better but most importantly. Kate had given her blessing to marry another woman.

* * *

Ziva dropped Eliana off at Darcy's birthday party and made her way towards Tony's house. Tonight would be their first solo date since finding out that Noah was terminal. It was just a simple movie and dinner date. Dinner at Olive Garden and then seeing whatever movie was playing. She didn't mind the simplicity in fact. She kind of felt like it was just what she needed right now. The spontaneous and expensive uber romantic dates were fun when she was younger but she was in her late thirties, with a child now and she just wanted a man to treat her right and give her baby girl a good life. That was exactly what Tony was doing for her. He'd been through a lot the past few months anyways, just the fact that he could get out of bed in the morning was amazing to her. She could not imagine the pain of losing a child. Especially after already losing the child's mother. It just didn't seem fair to her. At least Tony and Holly were starting to come around. She didn't want to say finally because getting over the loss of a son and brother. Was not something that would come easily for anyone. She was still mourning for Talia and Ari. She hated that people had to die young. It hurt her more than she could explain that she would never have a child with Tony but he had Holly and she had Eliana. They would be a happy little family. Even if a couple of pieces were missing the pieces being Noah and the baby that she had lost ten years ago. Though many people would say that they were always with them. Her phone rang and she pulled over to see who was calling. It was Abby, from Tony's work calling. Her heart dropped with concern. Had something happened to Tony? s"Oh, poor, poor Holly." she thought as she pressed answer.

"Hello?"

"Ziva! Ziva! Ziva!"

"Is everything OK, Abby?"

"IwasupstairstodayandIoverheardGibbsandTonytalkingintheelevator!Tonymightproposetonight!"

"Whoa, Abby slow down. It sounds like you are stringing your words over."

"I was upstairs today and I overheard Gibbs and Tony talking in the elevator! Tony might propose tonight! You hear me?! TONY MIGHT PROPOSE TONIGHT!"

"Did you say that Tony, might propose?"

"Yes!"

"Oh wow"

"Just act surprised."

"Yeah of course, I will."

* * *

Holly had her guitar lessons on Friday afternoons. So she just stayed at the school until the football game started. She had called Tony and told him that she was doing well and had gotten dinner from the taco place down the street from the school. He had told her that he loved her and reminded her that she was to be home. No later than ten, unless the game went into overtime or something. She had promised to be back on time if not early. Now Tony was standing by his front door. Waiting for Ziva to arrive. He had decided that it was better late than never. He made sure that the ring was secure and waited. Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. He peaked out the window and saw that it was Ziva waiting on the porch. He turned the knob and ushered her inside.

"Sorry I am late. I had to help Eliana with her skates." Ziva apologized.

"You aren't that late. I am just anxious." Tony replied.

Ziva felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Tony was anxious. Could that really mean that he was going to propose. She did want to marry him and she was ready for marriage but now that she was actually facing it. It was a little intimidating.

"Anxious? About what?" Ziva asked nervously.

"Oh no, Abby let the cat out of the bag, didn't she?" Tony asked.

"Yes" Ziva replied.

"Well in that case I guess that it is now or never. Ziva Elizabeth David, will you marry me?" Tony asked.

"Yes! Yes! Of course I will!" Ziva cried.

"Oh thank you, I am sorry that it wasn't more romantic but even if Abby hadn't of told you. I just could not wait. I want to marry you. I want to be one big, happy family." Tony explained.

"No thank you and it is just romantic enough. I love you and I want to be a big, happy family too. I really do." Ziva explained.

* * *

 **A/N: Tony and Ziva are getting married. How will this effect Holly? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	20. Cruel Realizations

Holly was amazed at how much her life had improved over the past few weeks. She had been dating Chad since the first week of school. Her dad didn't seem to trust him but he was just being paranoid. All dads were paranoid when their daughter's started dating but Chad was as great guy. He took time out of his rehearsal time to teach her guitar and he would leave her little notes in the guitar book. Chris McGee was suspicious of Chad too but knowing Chris. He was probably just jealous of her. He probably wanted Chad to himself. She hated that creepy loser so much. Of course he was the one who shared the practice room with Chad. So she had to deal with him every evening. Every time she saw him, he would ask her such disgusting personal questions. She made a mental note to tell Abby about it next time she saw her. Tim and Delilah were no better than Chris and her dad had taken Chris's side. He saw his as a hero for ratting Holly out and it made her sick. Chris was such a small problem though, especially after all that she had endured. She was still mourning for Noah but she was finally able to be able to move on. She would always miss him but she also knew that he would always be a part of her life.

* * *

It was a Saturday and Holly had ended up spending the night at Miley Lawson's house. Miley was one of Cora's regulars. She also happened to be Chad's neighbor. The game ended early and Chad's parents were at his brother's math competition in Silver Springs. Holly, Chad, Miley, and a couple of other kids from Chad's neighborhood all went back to Chad's place and partied. For the first time since the Friday before school started, Holly got drunk. Her voice was slurry before she realized how late it was. So she texted her dad and said she was staying over at a friend's house to help her out with a project for History class. Which wasn't entirely false. Miley did need help with the project. Holly awoke that morning with the worst hangover she had ever had.

"What's wrong, Holly?" Miley asked.

"Hangover" Holly muttered.

"I've got ya. A little hair of the dog and a couple more hours of sleep and you will be good as new. Your dad will never know." Miley explained.

"I gotta get home. My dad said that he has news." Holly explained.

"Tell him we over slept." Miley suggested.

"Good idea." Holly agreed.

"And true, just hang on and I will be back with your cure." Miley replied.

* * *

Holly threw-up, drank the hair of the dog, threw up a little more, and then fell back asleep, it was well after noon before she woke up again. Miley's sister Lexie was sitting at the desk typing away on the computer. Lexie was a year and a half older than Miley and was supposed to be a junior this year but she had down syndrome. So her parents decided to hold off on kindergarten for a year so her little sister could advocate for her. She was in kindergarten with Miley and Holly. One day when Miley was home sick Holly was her buddy for the day. After that they ended up being best friends for the year. After that year Holly was put in the advanced classes and Miley and Lexie were in regular classes but they remained close. They lost touch in middle school. Lexie ended up going to school across town. Because they had a better special needs program. Lexie wet herself in the cafeteria the second day of school. Because the monitor wouldn't let her go without Miley. Miley just laughed and went back to hanging out with her friends. Lexie was crying and pleading; a couple of kids were laughing and one pulled up the sound of a rushing river on his phone. Then it happened. Lexie started crying no over and over like a scared toddler. Holly was coming back from getting a bottle of water from the vending machine. She had a ring side seat for the incident. The front of Lexie's pants grew dark and then the floor was wet. It was almost like the puddle would never stop growing. It didn't help that Lexie was crying. Some kid yelled out that somebody should call Noah and have him build another arc. Another kid cried out mockingly that Noah was dead and nobody misses him. He was looking right at Holly when he said that. That night Holly wrote her suicide note and planned on ending her life that weekend. Then she met Chad. She had blocked that scene out but seeing Lexie brought it all back. Then it hit her. The boy who had yelled that Noah was dead and that nobody missed him; was Chad. That memory brought her back to elementary school. A boy named Chad always tormented Noah. Chad used to tell Noah that he was going to die and nobody would miss him. It hit Holly like a ton of bricks. Her boyfriend was her brother's bully.

"Hi Holly!" Lexie called.

"Hi Lexie." Holly murmured.

"What's wrong? You sound sad?" Lexie asked.

"Chad's a jerk!" Holly cried.

"I'm sorry." Holly replied confused.

* * *

Holly didn't bother telling Miley that she was up or waiting for her mother to give her a ride home. She just got dressed and ran out the door. She hailed a cab and gave the cab driver her address. Ten minutes later she was home. She paid the cab driver and ran inside. She slammed the door behind her and wanted nothing more than to go up to her room and cry but her dad stopped her in the hallway.

"Oh good you're home." Tony greeted.

"Just leave me alone!" Holly cried.

"Holl, what's wrong?" Tony asked.

"Nothing don't worry about it." Holly sniffed.

"Well when you are feeling better. I have some news for you." Tony replied.

"I don't care! Whatever it is! I don't care!" Holly snapped.

* * *

Holly ran up to her room, slammed and locked the door behind her, flung herself down onto her bed, and cried. Her dad and Chris had been right about Chad but what about his guitar lessons? What about the notes? Then another cruel realization hit Holly. Chad had gone to middle school with them too. Chad was in eighth grade when Noah and her were in sixth. He had given up on verbal bullying but started writing cruel notes and leaving them on Noah's locker. His handwriting was terrible and the taunts were so childish. The notes left in Holly's guitar book were so intellectual and well written. They were also anonymous. If Chad hadn't left the notes. Than who had?

* * *

 **A/N: Holly learns about Ziva and Tony's engagement in the next chapter. This chapter was actually very important to the third installment of this series. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	21. Backslide

Tony had wanted so desperately to tell Holly about his engagement but when she got home. She had run up to her room and declared that she did not want to talk. She had been so happy the last time he saw her. He wondered what had happened the night before to make her so depressed. He wished that he could ask one of her friends but she hadn't spoken to Julia since just before Noah died and; Chris and her ran in different circles. Which was unfortunate because Chris was always good about tattling on Holly when she was in trouble. The only kid from Holly's new group of friends he knew was Cora and if she volunteered at the soup kitchen on Friday nights. She likely would not have been around for whatever had happened. He remembered Holly mentioning staying with a girl named Miley. He remembered a girl named Miley from Holly's elementary school but she was never super close with Holly. Holly was much closer to Miley's sister Lexie, who had down syndrome. She was a sweet, intelligent, and funny girl but she could talk your ear off. Maybe she knew something about the night before. If she was Miley's sister. She had likely had at least a short interaction with Holly. It had been years since he had last seen her but he knew that she went to church with Abby. He made a mental note to have Abby try to get some answers out of Lexie.

* * *

It was dinner time before Holly finally came out of her room and Tony took that as a good sign. It had been such a fight to get her to eat. When she was in her depression following Noah's death. He sincerely hoped that she was not reverting back to her state of grief. They were just this close to admitting her to the hospital. When she finally snapped out of it a few weeks before. Maybe this was a sign that he was moving too fast with Ziva. No that was just him worrying. Holly didn't even know about the engagement. Ziva and him had agreed not to tell anybody until both girls had heard the news. That way they wouldn't have to worry about the girls learning the news from an outside source and all issues would be at least acknowledged before the public knew.

"What's for dinner?" Holly asked, glumly.

"Chicken Parm." Tony replied.

"Oh that's my favorite." Holly commented.

"It's my quick fix recipe. Not your grandma Marie's recipe. I wanted to make that but I didn't have all the stuff and it takes six hours to prepare the sauce." Tony explained.

"No yours is good." Holly assured.

"Holly?" Tony asked.

"Yeah dad?" Holly asked back.

"Are you alright?" Tony questioned.

"No" Holly admitted.

"What's wrong?" Tony asked.

"Chad and I broke up." Holly explained.

"What happened?" Tony asked.

"Let's just leave it at, he's not who I thought he was." Holly replied.

"Did he do something to hurt you? Because I will hurt him, if he hurt you." Tony replied.

"He didn't hurt me but I found out that he was bullying a girl with down syndrome and I don't want to date bully." Holly explained.

"Good for you." Tony replied.

"Thanks dad. Now what did you want to talk about before?" Holly questioned.

"This may be hard to hear after your breakup with Chad but well. Last night I asked Ziva to marry me and she said yes." Tony explained.

"So Ziva and you are engaged?" Holly asked.

"Yes, is that OK?" Tony asked.

"Are you, kidding?! That's great!" Holly cried.

"I'm glad you feel that way. Because there is something else I need to talk to you about." Tony replied.

"You aren't dying, are you?" Holly asked.

"No it's nothing like that. It's just Ziva and I were talking and well, we decided that it would be best to start over in a neutral territory. Where there were no bad memories and the bedroom had not been shared by another person." Tony explained.

"Wha... What are you saying?" Holly asked nervously.

"Instead of Ziva and Eliana moving in here or us moving in with them. We are all going to be moving into a new house together." Tony calmly explained.

"You can't do that!" Holly snapped.

"Holly this wasn't an easy decision but it is what is best for our families." Tony explained.

"No! We can't move! This is the house where you and mom were married! This is the only house Noah ever lived in!" Holly cried.

"I know Holly but..." Tony started.

"NO! Don't you care about Noah?! Don't you want to keep his memory alive! Of course you don't! You got over him already and it's like he never even existed! Well I am not going to let go so easy! He was my brother and loved him! But I hate you!" Holly snapped standing and storming out of the room.

* * *

The latest interaction with Holly, left Tony feeling terrible. He hated himself for unloading all that new information on her. She had just told him that her first boyfriend had broken her heart. Granted she had asked him. The engagement news was one thing but he really should have waited to tell her that they were moving. Admittedly he had only told her right away, because he was worried that she would hear the news from Ziva or Eliana or even worse, accidentally learning it from the Realtor. He felt for his daughter. Bad enough having to move out of the house that you had grown up in but to be leaving behind the house where you had lived with your mother and the only house in which your brother had ever lived. She needed a mother and he was eternally grateful to Ziva for seeing that need and coming into their lives. Because they would be totally lost without her. Especially now in the uncharted territory that Tony and Holly were in now that Noah was gone.

* * *

 **A/N: Poor Tony always putting his foot in his mouth. Sorry for the lack of Tiva in this story but this story and the third installment of the series are more family oriented. Ziva and Eliana will be back soon. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	22. Pointless

Holly had officially decided that she hated her life. Noah was still dead and now her dad was making her move. She was happy for him and Ziva, she just didn't see why they had to move. Now, Chad had broken her heart, even though she had broken up with him. It was still painful for her and not just because of the way he had bullied Noah. She had loved him, she really had. Even worse in less than twenty-four hours he was in a relationship with some senior girl with double D cups and bleach dyed hair. She really hadn't mattered to him. She was just another random girl under his belt. School used to be her salvation but now school was just as bad as home and everywhere else. The football team had lost their game. The night before her and Chad's breakup and now everybody was saying she was a bitch who only wanted to date a football star. If only they could know the truth. Anyway five weeks had past since that day and the football team had won every game since. Not that Holly cared that much. All she did anymore was go to school and her guitar lessons and then come home. While she was waiting for the lessons to start, she would sit down in the basement with the kids waiting for practices to start, didn't have any way to get home, or weren't trusted to go home for whatever reason. She would do her homework in the back corner and cry. Crying seemed to be all that she did since Noah died. Even in those few weeks that she was dating Chad, she had still cried a lot. Today had been a particularly hard day. Her dad and Ziva were going to put an offer down on a house today and if they got it. They would begin moving that weekend. On top of that she got pushed on the bus ramp, was unable to open her locker because somebody had shoved gum in the lock, and to top it off she found out that one of Noah's friends had died from complications related to Cystic Fibrosis. Personally she did not know Jack that well but he was one of Dr. Pitt's patients and he attended the twins birthday parties every year. He was a sweet kid and it hurt Holly's heart to think that somebody so close to her brother had died. Jack was not a huge part of her life but he was part of Noah's and so his death was a little like losing Noah all over again. It was a Wednesday and that meant guitar lessons. She slumped down to the basement and sat down in her usual corner.

"Holly!" Lexie cried running across the room.

"Oh hi, Lexie." Holly replied.

"Are you OK? You look sad." Lexie asked.

"What are you doing here? I thought your mom always picked you and Miley up." Holly asked.

"Mom had to take Miley to the doctor but I had a test." Lexie explained.

"Is Miley sick or is it just a check-up?" Holly asked.

"Mom said that it was just a checkup but I over heard her talking on the phone last night and Miley is pregnant." Lexie explained.

"Are you sure?" Holly asked.

"Yeah she's throwing up a lot too and she was talking to the dad last night too." Lexie explained.

"WOW" Holly whispered.

"Oh yeah I know why you hated Chad too. Because he is Miley's baby's dad. I know, cause I heard her." Lexie explained.

"What?" Holly asked.

"Chad's the baby's dad." Lexie repeated.

"So Miley's only about a month along. That's really early." Holly remarked.

"No according to mom and Miley, she is six weeks." Lexie explained.

"We were still going out six weeks ago." Holly gasped.

"Oh Holly, I thought you knew." Lexie gasped.

"Well I didn't!" Holly cried.

"I'm sorry" Lexie apologized.

"It's OK, it's not your fault. I am sorry." Holly assured.

"Miley's gotten mean. I'm glad you aren't friends with her anymore." Lexie commented.

"I am too." Holly replied.

"Sorry about Noah. He was really nice." Lexie apologized.

"He was, I miss him so much." Holly replied.

"I always thought he was cute. I wanted to marry him." Lexie stated.

"You did?" Holly asked.

"Yeah" Lexie replied.

"He liked you pretty well too. Said that you made going to the special ed, room fun." Holly replied.

"I wish he had gone to middle school with me too." Lexie replied.

"I do too but our school was better for us and your school was better for you." Holly explained.

* * *

Holly's talk with Lexie left her with mixed emotions. On one hand it was nice to have a new friend but on the other hand Chad had gotten another girl pregnant and it had happened while they were still dating. In the end the news about Chad outweighed bonding with Lexie. Besides the fact that Lexie and her hadn't really bonded. They had just talked and Lexie had given Holly devastating news. Life just didn't seem to be fair anymore and Holly couldn't take the grief anymore. She couldn't take the world without her best friend. Noah was the reason she was happy, smart, and had friends. Now he was gone and she was depressed and alone, even her grades had gone down. Life had no meaning to her anymore and she doubted that anybody would care if she lived or died. Her dad and Ziva could raise Eliana in their new house and be a happy family. She was just weighing them down and she did not want to move to a new house. She wanted everything to stay they way that it was but it never would be that way again. At this time her life would never be good again. What was the point to living? There was none. None at all. Sitting alone in the music room she saw a rope lying on the floor, in the corner of the room. She tied a noose on one end of the rope and tied the other around the metal beam that was nailed to the ceiling. She quickly scribbled a note and taped it to the guitar.

" _Life has been nothing but pain since Noah died. Dad do not cry for me. In time you will see that you are better off with both your children dead. Than with me being alive. Ziva thank you for being a mom to me. Eliana you could have been a great little sister but I am just too lost. Goodbye. Holly Jeannette DiNozzo."_

* * *

Chris McGee walked down the back hall of the preforming arts building. Chad was not there that day so he got the practice room for the full two hours. He had made a quick run to the bathroom and ended up talking to his new friend Aubrey. A bi-sexual senior, with a blue and purple pixie cut and a hot pink nose ring and about a dozen earrings. He lost half an hour of the session but he didn't mind. He had practiced at home for three hours that morning. He was about to step back into practice room C. When he saw something strange out of the corner of his eye. He stepped towards practice room D and looked through the window. Holly was hanging from the ceiling, he swung the door open, and retrieved his pocket knife. He cut her down and lay her down on the floor. He grabbed his phone from his other pocket, dialed 911.

"Stay with me, Holly." Chris pleaded as he did CPR at the dispatcher's instruction.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Holly survive or will Tony be forced to bury another child? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	23. Crashing Again

It had been a long and boring day for Tony and his teammates at NCIS. No cases and Gibbs was in a reasonable mood. McGee and Bishop were taking advantage of the slow day by playing some new computer game they had found. Gibbs was reading a woodworking magazine and jotting down some kind of blueprints. Tony on the other hand was finding it impossible to relax. Holly had fallen back into her depressive state and nothing he did seemed to bring her out of it. It was bad this time. So bad that her therapist had informed Tony that she could no longer help Holly on her own and that there was only one solution. Holly would be admitted to a thirty day psychiatric program. He had told her that he was going with Ziva to sign on a house but in reality he was filling out the paperwork for her hospital stay. He had already packed her bag and he would be taking her straight to the hospital from her guitar lesson. It broke his heart that his child was so devastated by the loss of her brother, that he had to send her to the mental hospital. He looked at his watch, it was almost time for him to go and get Holly. He looked up and saw that McGee was still gone. It was Abby's month to have Chris and McGee was down in her lab filling out some paperwork Chris needed for a field trip. He looked back down at his desk and saw that his phone was ringing.

"Hello?"

"Yes I am Holly's dad."

"She what?!"

"Yes of course I will be there right away."

"Thank you bye."

* * *

Tony was in daze when he hung up his phone. He was so out of it that he didn't not notice that he had stood up and walked over to his boss's desk. The next thing he knew McGee and Abby were standing beside him looking just as shaken as he felt.

"What is going on?" Gibbs asked.

"We have to go." Abby explained.

"I have to go too." Tony replied.

"Why do all three of you have to go?" Gibbs asked.

"The school called, Holly tried to kill herself in the practice room. Chris found her and saved her life but he is now being treated for shock." McGee explained.

"Let's go!" Gibbs cried grabbing his keys and running around the desk.

* * *

Tony felt his whole world crashing down around him... again. He was just barely beginning to feel that he may be able to continue living, after the loss of Noah. Now he may be losing Holly too and even worse. If he did lose her it would be his fault. He should have gotten her help sooner. He should have seen just how hurt she was. Gibbs had insisted on driving him to the hospital and for once he was actually grateful for Gibbs's tendency to drive well over the speed limit. All he wanted to do was get to the hospital and be with his baby girl. Gibbs and him made it to the hospital in record time. Tony burst through the doors and raced up to the reception desk.

"My daughter was brought in! She tried to commit suicide! Where is she?!" Tony demanded.

"What is her name?" The receptionist asked nervously.

"Holly Jeannette DiNozzo and I am Tony DiNozzo." Tony replied.

"OK, somebody will be out to speak with you shortly." The receptionist replied.

"Thank you" Tony replied, shakily.

* * *

Tony was instantly hit with a feeling of dread. It had to be bad news if the receptionist was calling somebody to come out to speak with him. If Holly was stable than she would have given him, the room number and a doctor would have spoken to him when he got back there. He stumbled back into a chair and Gibbs walked over and placed his hand on Tony's shoulders. He watched events unfolding in the ER as if they were happening on TV. A couple rushing in with a pale and limp child. While a teenage couple walked out looking downcast and embarrassed. McGee and Abby arrived and were sent straight back to see Chris but not without Abby throwing him into a huge bear hug. He wasn't sure who had done it but somebody must have called Ziva. Because the next thing he knew. She was sitting beside him with her arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Oh Tony I am so sorry." Ziva apologized.

"I should have gotten her sooner. They wanted her admitted to the psychiatric hospital but I felt it would be better if she went to school. I killed my daughter. I killed her." Tony solved.

"Holly's dead?!" Ziva gasped.

"No... I don''t know but I should have acted sooner." Tony sobbed.

"Tony you couldn't have known. Nobody could have I mean she's been depressed for months. How could you have known that she would do something today?" Ziva asked.

"I don't know but I should have helped her. I should have helped her!" Tony cried.

"You did the best you could. She's just really sick." Ziva assured.

* * *

Tony buried his head in Ziva's chest. He just wanted answers. He just wanted to know if his baby girl was going to be OK or not. She had to survive and stay by his side. He needed her as much as she needed him.

"Tony DiNozzo? Father of Holly DiNozzo?" A shorter, middle aged, female doctor asked.

"That's me" Tony replied, shakily.

"I am Dr. Shea." Dr. Shea introduced.

"How is she, Dr. Shea?" Tony asked.

"We've managed to get Holly stabilized but she is on a ventilator and there is a chance that she did damage to her vocal chords but we won't know until she is awake. The good news is that her friend saved her just in time. She is in the PICU and will be at least through tomorrow. Then she will spend at least twenty four hours in a regular room. After she is released she will be transported to Davidson Pediatric Psychiatric Hospital." Dr. Shea explained.

"May I see her?" Tony asked.

"Of course but be warned there is a lot of bruising around her neck." Dr. Shea explained.

"All that matters is that she is alive." Tony replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Holly is alive but how much damage did she do to herself and how will Tony cope with her being in the hospital? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	24. Purgatory

Tony was utterly destroyed. The doctors were expecting Holly to survive but she was not out of the woods just yet. She was still extremely weak and having trouble breathing on her own. Then there was the concern of her quality of life, if she did survive. The good news was that she had not broken or even seriously damaged any of her C vertebrates. Though she likely would have at least temporary pains in that region. The bad news was that she was not breathing when Chris found her and nobody was certain how long she had been without oxygen. The idea of Holly having brain damage terrified Tony. He would love her no matter what but she had already suffered so much. Another big concern was the damage done to her vocal chords. There was a chance that she would never speak again and if she did. Her voice could be permanently damaged. Tony's heart broke for his daughter. He had felt that way many times. As if there was no hope and death was the only solution but he never went through with the attempts. He always had a reason. Not wanting to die in a boarding school, then it was not wanting to leave his frat brothers or Kate and then the twins. Kate had been gone for years and that made the twins need him even more. Now Noah was gone and Holly may be soon. That made him wonder if he would have anything to live for anymore. He sat in the hard plastic chair by his daughter's bed side and held her hand. Suddenly she just seemed so small and fragile. She had always seemed so strong. Now he saw too late that she was not special. She was just a vulnerable as him and Noah, and Kate had been the same way. He deeply regretted not realizing that sooner. He regretted every decision that led to his baby girl being in this bed. Because she should not be in a hospital bed, she should not be about to go into an inpatient psychiatric treatment center. He regretted opening the SWAK envelope that ended up being the reason that Noah was gone. Most of all he regretted that he could not magically heal his daughter. She would have to over come everything completely on her own and that was more painful than anything Tony could possibly imagine.

"Please baby girl you need to fight. Because I need you more than you could possibly imagine. I know that you are hurting without your brother but we will get through this. You will get the help that you need and I will learn to be a better father to you. You are my world and I love you. I am sorry that I let you down so much and didn't help you sooner. You are my world. Please come through this I love and need you." Tony pleaded, to Holly's limp form.

* * *

Ziva hated to leave the hospital but she needed to check on Eliana and make sure that everything was in order at home. Eliana's nanny worked a separate job on nights. Eliana would be spending the night with her friend across the street but Ziva needed to make sure that the tween got her homework done before going into midweek sleepover mode. Eliana did not know about Holly's suicide attempt yet and Ziva did not intend for her to find out until there were more answers than questions. She pulled into the parking lot of her apartment and and made her way up to her floor. She stepped into her unit and saw Eliana sitting at the kitchen table reading one of her ballet books.

"Tateleh did you do your homework?" Ziva asked.

"Yes I did, Ima." Eliana replied.

"May I see it?" Ziva asked.

"Yes it is in my backpack." Eliana replied.

"OK" Ziva replied, stepping into her daughter's room.

"Why are you spending the night at the hospital?" Eliana asked.

"Holly is sick and I am going to support Tony." Ziva explained.

"What is wrong with her?" Eliana asked.

"We will discuss that tomorrow." Ziva replied.

"Well is she going to be OK?" Eliana asked.

"I hope so Tateleh. I really hope so." Ziva replied.

* * *

Tony knew that he was in for a long night. Holly had made no improvement but she hadn't gotten any worse either. The doctors hadn't asked to speak with him and according to Jimmy. Who had been with him the last time he spoke with the doctor. They were being completely honest with him. Which was always a good sign. Still he was scared to death. Most everybody had gone home but Ziva and Gibbs had stayed and stay overnight. Though Ziva did have to run home to check on Eliana. She had already called in sick to work and promised to stay by his side as long as possible. Gibbs and Ziva were taking turns sitting up with him. While the other slept. Right now was Gibbs's time. He sat across from Tony in the small ICU waiting room. Ziva was asleep on the couch and the two men were in the chairs nearest her spot. It would be eight thirty in the morning before he was allowed to go and see Ziva.

"Did you tell Holly that she is not allowed to die?" Tony asked.

"Of course, I did." Gibbs replied.

"Thank you." Tony replied.

* * *

Holly was trapped. Part of her wanted to crossover and be with her mom and brother but part of her really regretted the suicide attempt and desperately wanted to stay with her dad, Ziva, and Eliana. Time was running out and she had to make her decision. If she did not decide fast, she would have to lie in a coma until Kate chose for her. Of course she knew that her mom would send her back but she did not want to hurt her dad like that. She looked forward at her mom and Noah. They looked so peaceful and happy. She wanted that and she was about to say that she wanted to die. Then she looked down at her dad and saw how miserable she looked. If she left he would be all alone. Sure he would have Ziva and Eliana but that was not the same. He needed her more than they did and she would learn to live without Noah.

"I want to go back." Holly said.

"Very well but please know this is going to be a long journey for you. Even with this choice and your new found desire to live. It will still not be easy." Her guardian angel explained.

"I know and I am OK with it." Holly replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Holly is OK. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	25. Fight For Life

Both Gibbs and Ziva tried to make Tony get some sleep but all attempts were futile. Holly was still comatose and Tony would not be able to sleep. Until his daughter was awake and proving to him how strong she was. He was scared for her. Scared that he would fall asleep and something would go wrong but he was also scared that he would miss her waking up. Morning came and Holly still had not woken up. Ziva had gone to make sure that Eliana got off to school OK and Gibbs was getting coffee and checking in at the office. Leaving Tony alone for the first time since he got the news.

"Agent DiNozzo?" A tall man called.

"Yeah?" Tony asked.

"I am Paul Flowers and I will be Holly's day nurse. Her doctor had to tend to an emergency and sent me to give you an update. He said you were really worried." Paul explained.

"Nice to meet you Paul. Now how is my little girl?" Tony asked.

"She is doing much better this morning. In fact she is showing signs of life." Paul explained.

"What does that mean?" Tony asked.

"She is responding to all stimuli. Not just pain as she was last night. She has also blinked her eyes several times and moved her hand twice on her own." Paul explained.

"So she's waking up?" Tony asked hopefully.

"It looks that way but it could still be a while." Paul replied.

"Is she up for visitors?" Tony asked.

"Yes but we are hoping to move her down to a regular room soon." Paul replied.

"She's ready for that?" Tony asked.

"Yes but she is breathing almost entirely on her own. She is just on oxygen to prevent over taxing her lungs." Paul explained.

"Thank God" Tony sighed.

* * *

For the first time since he heard that Holly was in the hospital, Tony felt hopeful. He was hopeful that his daughter would survive and would come back to him the same girl; physically and mentally anyway. Emotionally she would never be the same. She may heal and learn to live with the loss of her brother but she would always be fragile and she would always be missing a part of her. When Ziva and him got married, Eliana would become his daughter and Holly's sister but it wouldn't patch the hole. Even if by some miracle Ziva and him had ten kids of their own. It wouldn't even come close to what Holly had lost. So she would always be broken but in the hospital she would learn to cope. She would learn to open up and let people in again. She would learn to let her feelings out in a less extreme way but there would still be a long road to recovery. When she was home. She would have to learn that not all guys were jerks. Unfortunately she would probably have to get hurt a few more times before she found a guy that would treat her right and show her what true love was. Not because Holly was stupid or because girls in general were stupid but because that was how love worked. It was rare to marry the first person you fell in love with or even the second or the third. Hell he knew people who fell hard in love ten times and got their hearts shattered ten times before they found their true love. He wasn't sure why it was harder for girls than for boys. Maybe because of the fairy tales. Girls would grow up hearing about "Prince Charming" and how he would rush to her rescue and it would become programmed into their brains. Boys heard the stories too but it was different for them. They were usually more interested in the frogs and action. At least that's how it was with the twins. Even knowing this, Tony wanted to hurt Chad for what he did to his little girl but what could he do? Beat the kid senseless and end up in prison? No he had to be there for Holly. He also knew that Holly would find her Prince Charming and he would show her that there was more to life. She just had to survive this.

* * *

Ziva had once again left the hospital. This time though she needed to make sure that Eliana got off to school alright. The friend she was staying with went to a local charter school, which started over an hour after Eliana's middle school and knowing Eliana. She would use that as an excuse to get extra practice time or a quick cat nap. Except her cat naps could last for hours. To her relief Eliana was up and eating her breakfast and the girls older brother was going to drive her to school.

"Good morning, Ima." Eliana greeted.

"Good morning, Tateleh. Did you sleep well?" Ziva asked.

"Yes I did. Now how is Holly?" Eliana asked.

"I do not know. The doctors had not made their rounds yet when I left." Ziva explained.

"May I see her after school?" Eliana asked.

"I do not know but there are some things that we need to discuss before you do see her. OK?" Ziva explained.

"OK, Ima." Eliana replied.

"Now you best get going." Ziva instructed.

"OK, Ima." Ziva replied.

* * *

Chris McGee was scared to death, as he made his way across the quad. Which was more of a glorified porch that sat equal distance from all the buildings. It was the ideal place to hangout before school and during free periods. For that reason but it was far from the quads you saw on college campuses. Not that any of that was important. Chris was normally in the library with the other outcasts but today was different. Today he was going to settle and old score. Today he was going to deal with Chad and get justice for Holly. It was terrifying for him, because he had never beaten anyone up before. He was usually the one getting beaten up. In fact Chad and his buddies had beat him up pretty regularly in elementary school. Since then Chad had gotten even bigger and even more powerful. While Chris was still scrawny and even with the self defense his dad had taught him. He was still terrible in a fight but he had to do this. He had to teach Chad a lesson. Before he directly hurt another girl. He was the reason that Holly had tried to kill herself and there were rumors that Chad had been cheating on Holly with his current girlfriend and had at least one girl behind that girls back. He had even heard that Chad hadn't really broken his ankle last football season but had drugged a girl at a party and was suspended for the rest of the season. They were rumors but Chris wasn't going to let another girl get hurt. He certainly wouldn't want it to be his sister.

"Hey Chad!" Chris called.

"What is it, McFaggot?" Chad asked.

"Holly DiNozzo attempted suicide yesterday and it is all your fault!" Chris yelled elbowing Chad in the ribs.

"So she's a Football Hussy and she's just as freaked up and retarded as her twin. She should kill herself!" Chad snapped.

"FUCK YOU!" Chris yelled lunging at Chad.

* * *

What happened next was a total blur for Chris. In fact as he sat in the principal's office and explained the incident. He had trouble deciphering what happened and the fights he had seen in those movies where the nerds stood up to the jocks. It wasn't until he saw the security footage and heard the recounts of the witnesses. That he really knew what happened. After he shoved Chad, jumped on top of him, repeatedly punched his chest. Grabbed him by the collar and shoved his head into the ground. As the resource officer was dragging him away. He kicked Chad square in the balls. Then the next thing he knew. He was sitting in the principal's office and his parents were there. His dad and mom on the parent couch and Delilah sitting beside them in her wheelchair. She was about pop she was so heavily pregnant. Principal Mayfair was sitting in front of him.

"Christopher let me first say that you are an excellent student and I was shocked when you were brought in for assault. Unfortunately this school has a zero tolerance policy and even though this is your first offense. Chad was taken away in an ambulance and will be out the rest of the season. You are suspended for thirty days and you are off the National Honor Society. I am sorry." Principal Mayfair explained.

"I understand." Chris sighed.

"Will Chad's parents be pressing charges?" McGee asked.

"Not as long as Chris agrees to stay two hundred feet away from Chad at all times." Principal Mayfair explained.

"Will that impact his studies?" Delilah asked.

"We will have to change some of his classes." Principal Mayfair replied.

"So Chad drives a girl to attempt suicide but Chris is the one whose life is ruined?" Abby questioned.

"I am afraid so Miss. Scuito." Principal Mayfair replied.

"Unfortunately there was no proof that Chad is the reason Holly tried to kill herself." Principal Mayfair explained.

"She said it in the note!" Chris spat

"Christopher if you don't calm down. You are expelled." Principal Mayfair warned.

"He is not expelled! I withdraw him from the school!" Abby cried.

"Abby" McGee warned.

"No! We agreed I make all of Chris's school decisions and you don't have to take him to church when he is with you! And I say that he needs a new school!" Abby snapped.

"Well I guess I am a new Christian, then!" McGee spat.

"That is not how it works!" Abby argued.

"I don't care!" McGee yelled.

"I am three weeks away from fifteen! I can may my own choices and I say that I want to change schools!" Chris yelled.

"Don't let her control you!" McGee spat.

"It's what I want!" Chris argued.

"See!" Abby taunted.

"Shut up, Abby!" McGee ordered.

"No you shut, up!" Abby shot back.

"Both of you shut up!" Chris bellowed.

"Don't you ever tell me to shut up!" Abby barked.

"Me either! Though it is your mom's fault that you have no respect!" McGee yelled.

"Guys!" Delilah shouted.

"What?!" Abby, McGee, and Chris cried in unison.

"M...My water just broke" Delilah stammered, clutching her belly.

* * *

 **A/N: What will happen to Chris? Delilah should have had her baby already but I forgot about that part of this story. So let's just say she's overdue. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading**


	26. Come Back To Me

Holly had greatly improved by that evening but Tony was still in for another night at the hospital. Gibbs had run by his house and brought fresh clothes and some toiletries for him. Holly's new room had a shower in it that Tony was allowed to use. As long as he locked the door and hung "the occupied by opposite sex parent" sign. The PICU waiting room had shower stalls in the bathrooms as did the extended stay pediatric wards but most times parents left at night if their child was not critical or bound to the hospital for weeks at a time. The regular waiting room was also significantly less comfortable but Tony refused to leave the hospital until Holly woke up. She had opened her eyes for about five minutes around noon but she was still not fully awake.

"How is she?" McGee asked entering the room and sitting down beside Tony.

"She opened her eyes for about five minutes at noon but she is still not awake." Tony explained.

"Is she still improving?" McGee asked.

"So far" Tony replied.

"That's good" McGee replied.

"So what are you doing here?" Tony asked.

"Delilah had her baby." McGee replied.

"She did? Congratulations! How did it go?" Tony asked.

"Everything went great. They did a C-Section and everybody is resting comfortably." McGee explained.

"Come on Probie give the details." Tony pleaded.

"I have another son. He is seven pounds, nine and a half ounces, fourteen inches long, and his name is Willard John Noah McGee." McGee explained.

"Noah?" Tony asked.

"I wanted it for the first name but Delilah wanted to name him after our dads and since this will likely be our only baby. I decided that her idea was the winner but it is tradition in her family to have two middle names." McGee explained.

"Well it means a lot." Tony replied.

"No problem" McGee replied.

"You seem upset? Are you sure that everything is OK?" Tony asked.

"Delilah is fine but Chris got into a fight at school." McGee explained.

"Is he OK?" Tony asked.

"He is fine but he beat the shit out of a football player." McGee explained.

"Chris did?" Tony gasped.

"Trust me I am shocked too. Chris is usually the one getting beat up and he is as much of a pacifist as his mother. So it was a huge shock." McGee explained.

"Is he in trouble?" Tony asked.

"At first he was just suspended but then Abby and him both mouthed off to the principal and now he is expelled. Abby and me got into a huge fight and that's when Delilah's water broke." McGee explained.

"Geez" Tony replied.

"Tell me about it." McGee argued.

"Any idea what caused the fight?" Tony asked.

"He beat up Chad for breaking Holly's heart." McGee explained.

"He did?" Tony asked.

"Yeah" McGee sighed.

"Can't say I approve of stacking another student on school grounds but I am glad that Chris stood up for my baby girl." Tony explained.

"Tony, he said that he loved her." McGee admitted.

"Whoa" Tony gasped.

* * *

Ziva was dreading Eliana getting off of school. She had no idea how she was going to explain Holly's suicide attempt to her daughter. She knew that the best thing would be to just be honest but it was such a difficult subject. She had enough time talking over the issue with other adults. As hard as it would be for her, Eliana needed to know the truth and she needed to learn soon. Now that Holly was doing better. Ziva didn't feel so guilty leaving the hospital. She left at three and drove to Eliana's school. She had called the school and made sure that Holly knew to come to the car rider ramp after school. Instead of the bus ramp. Eliana waved goodbye to one of her friends and then climbed into the car.

"What is going on with Holly?" Eliana asked.

"Tateleh, Holly attempted suicide yesterday." Ziva explained.

"What?!" Eliana cried.

"She is recovering physically but she is going to a hospital for psychiatric treatment after she is released." Ziva explained.

"Why did she do it?" Eliana asked.

"You know how hard it was on her when Noah died." Ziva explained.

"But she was getting better." Eliana remarked.

"She was but then her breakup with Chad really set her back." Ziva explained.

"Oh" Eliana sighed.

"She is going to get better. She just needs help." Ziva explained.

* * *

Visiting hours were almost over and Tony was getting in a few extra minutes with his baby girl. She was struggling a bit more now that evening had arrived but the doctors had assured that it was normal and that she was probably just worn out. It seemed strange to Tony that somebody in a coma could be worn out but Gibbs said that it could happen. Especially if there had been a lot going on during the day and Holly had, had a pretty solid stream of visitors since being moved to a regular room. Since her eyes had flickered that afternoon, there were no new signs of waking up but Gibbs had woken up a day after he opened his eyes. So Tony was cautiously optimistic that Holly would follow the same pattern. Tony heard the warning bell, signaling that visitors hours would be ending in five minutes. He had become all to familiar with the procedures, during Noah's frequent hospital stays. He leaned over to give Holly one last kiss. When suddenly her body twitched, her hand gripped his, and then her eyes sprang open.

"Holly? Are you with me baby girl?" Tony asked, hopefully.

"I'm sorry dad." Holly apologized.

"You don't have to apologize." Tony assured.

"I wanted to die, I really did and I was about to go to be with mom and Noah again but then I saw how sad you were and I realized that I wanted to live. I am sorry." Holly apologized.

"You were sick Holly, but you are going to get help and you will get better." Tony vowed.

"Good because I want to be OK." Holly replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Holly goes to rehab in the next chapter and I am going to wrap this installment soon. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	27. The Drop Off

Dropping Holly off at the psychiatric hospital, was the second hardest thing that Tony had to do. The first being burying Noah but unlike when he buried Noah. This would actually end up being for the best. Holly desperately needed the intense psychiatric counseling that the hospital offered. After waking from the coma. Holly had decided that she did in fact want to live, to fight but she still needed help. Besides the hospital would put her with other teens who had endured similar pain and give her several different therapy sessions a day. Being away from home would do her a lot of good as well. Being free from the painful memories at home. It was the Saturday after Holly woke up, that she was deemed well enough to be transferred to the other hospital. She still had a scar on her neck and her voice was still raspy but she no longer required special medical care. It was sunny but cool, Tony wore his OSU sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. While Holly wore a simple black turtle neck and pair of jeans. The mental hospital was half an hour from Bethesda and nearly an hour away from the DiNozzo's home. Visitors were only allowed on Saturdays and only if the patient was up for it. It would be at least a week before he could see his baby girl again. He pulled into the drop off zone and helped her out of the car. He was only allowed inside because he had to fill out the paperwork for her admittance but Holly would be taken away before he was done. So they stood in the lobby and said their goodbyes.

"Goodbye dad and I am sorry for all I put you through." Holly apologized.

"Goodbye baby girl and you do not need to apologize. Just focus on getting better and you will be back home with me next month." Tony explained.

"You can sell the house. I don't care, I miss Noah but I know we need to move on." Holly said.

"Don't worry about that. Just worry about getting well." Tony replied.

"OK" Holly sniffed.

* * *

Tony finished his paperwork and immediately left the hospital. Holly had been taken back to her room immediately after they said their goodbyes. There was no need for him to stick around so he just went home. Still leaving was nearly impossible. He hated that he had to leave his strong, healthy, and happy baby girl in such a place. He cried the entire drive home, and when he finally got back to the house. He just sat in the driveway and cried for a while. When he came inside he went upstairs and sat in the space between the twins bedrooms. It was strange and painful knowing that both twins were gone. He had to keep reminding himself that Holly would be back.

"I'm sorry I made so many mistakes and hurt you guys so much." Tony apologized.

* * *

Tony knew that he could not stay alone that night. He ended up staying Ziva's apartment. Eliana was on a weekend trip with her dance class and not due back until Sunday around noon. Meaning the couple had the apartment to themselves. In the old days that would have meant a night of wild passion and walking around in only their underwear. They were adults now and, Tony was grieving and worrying for his daughter. So they just sat in the living room and held each other close.

"I miss her so much." Tony sniffed.

"I know you do, I do too but this is for the best. She needs to get better and she cannot do it on her own." Ziva explained.

"I know but after losing Noah. Even a month is impossible with the one you still have." Tony explained.

"I know." Ziva replied, pulling him close.

"Ziva?" Tony asked.

"What?" Ziva asked back.

"Do you think that they will be able to help Holly?" Tony questioned.

"Yes" Ziva replied simply.

* * *

That night after Ziva had fallen asleep. Tony walked out of her room. He walked past Eliana's room and peaked inside. Her room was not that different from Holly's. She was slightly more girly than Holly but still far from prissy and her room was decorated with dance trophies and posters of ballerinas and from Broadway shows. While Holly's was decorated with trophies for different activities and posters of feminist icons and from old movies. The main difference was that Eliana had not endured half the pain that Holly had. She was such a strong and lucky girl. He prayed that one day Holly would be well and the two of them would bond as sisters, in a similar way to how she had boned with Noah. Though he knew that they would never have the same bond that Holly and Noah had shared. Twins had a special bond anyway and those two had been through so much together.

* * *

It was strange for Tony, first waking up in Ziva's bed and then realizing that he would not be seeing Holly that day. He rolled over and found that Ziva had already woken up. He pulled himself out of bed, changed into the outfit he had brought over and made his way into the kitchen. Ziva was standing at the stove preparing breakfast for the two of them.

"What are you making? It smells delicious." Tony asked.

"Scrambled eggs with genuine Israeli olives, spinach, and goat cheese." Ziva replied.

"No ham or bacon?" Tony asked jokingly.

"Eliana is thinking of becoming a vegetarian. So I am learning to make vegetarian dishes." Ziva explained.

"Good for her but I don't think my body could survive without meat." Tony replied.

"There are sausage links in the freezer help yourself." Ziva replied.

"Thanks" Tony replied.

"It is no trouble. I don't think I could last either. It was hard enough keeping kosher when my family was around." Ziva explained.

"Try no meat on Fridays when you have to order food to the office and Probie's burger smells so delicious but I did it for years for Kate." Tony replied.

"I can imagine." Ziva laughed.

"Should we be this natural?" Tony asked.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked back.

"I just took Holly to the hospital yesterday. Shouldn't I be more upset and concerned?" Tony questioned,

"No Tony you are allowed to be happy. Life goes on and Holly will be home before you know it." Ziva assured.

* * *

 **A/N: I will start writing from Holly's perspective again in the next chapter. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	28. Healing

Holly had been in the hospital for three weeks now but she was still struggling. She was still on track to be released in a week but she was terrified to go home. For all she knew her dad had sold the house and she would never again return to her childhood home. That idea terrified and confused her more than anything. She did not want to go home to the house where Noah had lived and know that he would never come home but she didn't like the idea of leaving that home behind either. Her counselors were helping her a lot but still she dreaded the idea of living without her brother. It wasn't fair at all, that somebody could be there from the moment of conception. Be by her side from the second she existed, through nine months of pregnancy, enter the world just moments before she did. That he could live, grow, and love her every second of her life for thirteen years and then just be gone. In the blink of an eye he had left her all alone. Sure she had her dad and countless friends but it wasn't the same. Noah was her brother and best friend. The best thing about therapy was that nobody was saying "At least Noah is free and out of pain now." or "You will see him again." She knew that was true but it didn't do anything to help her. At this point the only words that would help her, would be "Noah isn't really dead, this is all just a horrible nightmare." but she knew that was not the case. Noah was dead and gone and it was real. She had been there when he took his last breath, she had been there when he was buried, she had been there when his death was announced over the intercom on the first day. Him and a senior who was killed in a car crash in July.

"Hey Holly you coming on the ride this afternoon?" Her roommate Joy asked.

"Isn't it mandatory?" Holly asked.

"No, just for fun." Joy replied.

"Oh well I am going, are you?" Holly asked.

"Of course, I love horses. We had them on the farm." Joy replied.

"It's been a while since I've been but I used to go riding a lot. My grandpa Gibbs took us almost every weekend the summer we stayed with him." Holly explained.

"It's the best, I just hope they don't give me a slow horse on account of my arm." Joy smirked.

"They know you better than that." Holly assured.

* * *

Joy Kennedy Roswell was Holly's roommate in the hospital. She was fifteen years old and a sophomore and Jehovah Academy. She had grown up on a farm, until she was twelve years old. When her parents and little brother were killed in a freak farming accident. Joy survived but lost her arm and had severe burns on her face, remaining arm, and torso; but she never let it stop her. She played soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball, swam, and danced. Well she was unaffected until the summer before, when her foster parents up and put her back in the system. After that day she fell into a deep depression and tried to commit suicide. Unlike Holly she had taken a full bottle of sleeping pulls but decided that she didn't want to die and called 911 for herself. Her commitment was voluntary and she was Holly's closest friend.

"Come on Holly! Let's go!" Joy cried.

"Is it three already?" Holly asked.

"Two thirty but we have to be at the stables by two forty five." Joy explained.

"Oh!" Holly cried jumping up.

* * *

Holly managed to get dressed and make it down to the stables in record time. There were two different trails that you could take. One led to a small lake and the other made a circle around the woods. Everybody had to have a partner who, you were required to stay with at all times. Naturally Holly and Joy were partners and they opted to take the route that led to the lake. Holly had a black and brown horse named Starstruck and Joy much to the chagrin of the stable hands, selected a large black horse named Diablo. Max and Boone and their horses Cantor and Toby were the leaders for Joy and Holly's group. After a quick lesson on riding and safety, the gang was off on their way to the lake.

"Alright! If you get separated stay where you are. Jen and Lucky Buck will go through and look at the end of the session. We are do back by six thirty for dinner and it takes about twenty minutes each way. So we head back no later than six, got it?!" Max called.

"Yes!" The group called back.

"One more thing! Have fun but not more fun than us!" Boone called.

"OK!" The group called.

* * *

As Holly rode through the woods she was hit with a strange feeling of nostalgia. She couldn't put her finger on it but something about this place seemed familiar. The lake looked especially familiar. She had been to this exact spot before but she couldn't put her finger on when. There was a small cave by the lake but it was only accessible by a small island in the lake. Naturally Joy wanted to go but Holly wasn't so sure. Unfortunately Joy was insistent and Holly could not let her partner go off alone. The good news was that she managed to talk Joy out of riding the horses to the cave. They managed to get permission from Max and Boone and made their way towards the cave. There was a gap between the island and the cave. Joy cleared the jump even though it was almost a foot. Nervously Holly bended her knees and tried to jump. She made it about half way and then it all went wrong. She started to fall. She hit her head hard on the rock hard ground outside the cave and then crashed into the water.

"HOLLY!" Joy cried diving into the water after her friend. She grabbed Holly under the arms and held her tight as she swam for the surface. By the time she got her onto the island Max and Boone had waded over, Max was carrying a first aide kit. Joy laid her friend on the ground and the adults looked her over. It was really bad, Holly was unconscious and had a huge gash on the top of her head.

"She's not breathing!" Boone called.

"Are you getting a pulse?" Max asked.

"Yes but it's faint." Boone replied.

"Start CPR! I will call 911." Max replied.

"Is she going to be OK?" Joy asked.

"I don't know but it doesn't look good. We are pretty far out and this could be a severe head injury. Even if she lives. She could be permanently disabled." Max explained grimly.

* * *

 **A/N: Will Holly survive this one? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	29. Memories

Tony could not believe that it had happened again, his beautiful Holly was back in the hospital. At least this time it was an accident. It was really weird for him to be feeling that way, but after almost losing her to suicide. An accident was actually a relief. Just knowing that she had not done this to herself on purpose was a huge weight off of his shoulders. She had only a moderate concussion. Which was truly lucky, because she had hit her head heard on a rock. Still her vitals were good and she was responding to everything. All she had to do was wake up and she could be out of the hospital by the next morning. Because she would still be in the psychiatric hospital and they had always had a doctor and nurses on the clock, just in case. The staff at Adams General, felt comfortable releasing her sooner. She just had to be conscious for a certain amount of time and able to pass a few tests first. He had rushed out as soon as he got the news, and was now sitting at her bedside.

"Come on Holly. Just wake up and you can finish up your treatments and come home to me." Tony pleaded.

* * *

 _Holly was in a fog. It wasn't like after her suicide attempt. Where she was hovering between life and death. Having to decide if she lived or died. No, this time she knew that she would live and thus was not in purgatory. Instead she was standing in meadow near the lake. The surroundings looked a little different. The island was smaller, the tree that had been dead that afternoon was alive, and the cave was covered by overgrowth. Even more strange however, was the fact that nobody from the hospital was there and she could swear that she felt shorter. She looked down at herself and sure enough she was shorter but that wasn't the only change. Her plaid, flannel shirt was replaced by a purple t-shirt that read "Look Out Boys, My Daddy Is An NCIS Agent" Which was strange because she had lost that shirt years ago. Suddenly somebody rode up on a horse but it was nobody from the hospital. It was Gibbs only he looked much younger. Another horse trotted up behind his and to Holly's shock. Noah was the rider. He was also smaller but not by that much. He was also, very thin and frail looking. Gibbs dismounted and walked over and helped Noah off of his horse. He then guided the two animals to near by trees and gently tied them up. Holly was shocked to see another horse not too far from where Gibbs and Noah's were tied._

" _Great job Hol! You tied that knot perfectly!" Gibbs called._

" _Thanks!" Holly cried._

" _I am so proud of you. You will have to tell your daddy when we call him tonight." Gibbs replied._

" _When is he going to get home?" Holly asked._

" _Soon, at least I hope so or Director Vance and I will have a serious problem." Gibbs replied._

" _I miss Jenny. She gave us candy." Noah remarked._

" _She was cool. She was in charge of all the boys." Holly added._

" _We all miss Jenny and she was amazing." Gibbs agreed wistfully._

* * *

 _That's when it hit Holly. The woods, meadow, and lake looked so familiar. Because she had been there before. Gibbs used to take her and Noah riding around there. They went nearly every weekend when her dad was reassigned and they were staying with him. For some reason this day in particular stood out. If Holly was remembering correctly. It was at the start of summer and her dad had only been gone a couple of weeks. Jenny had died less than a month, after his and Noah's appointments. He had left the day after her funeral. With barely time to say goodbye. What was worse was that even Gibbs did not know when he would be back. It wasn't long before she realized why she was remembering this particular trip. She was running behind Gibbs, who was carrying Noah on his shoulders. Suddenly Gibbs came to a stop at the cave. He pushed back the brush and climbed inside. Holly followed closely behind._

" _Kelly and I found this place when she wasn't much older than you. I brought her here almost every weekend that I was home and Shannon brought her when I was not available. Kelly and I left our walking sticks here the last time I brought her here. We were going to get them after I got back but we never could." Gibbs explained, walking towards the back of the cave._

* * *

 _Holly sat with Noah, while Gibbs picked up the walking sticks. Suddenly Noah moved close to her and put his arm around her. He had been really sick not long before their dad left and apparently he almost died._

" _Holly" Noah whispered._

" _What?" Holly asked._

" _I think that I am going to die. Like Kelly." Noah explained._

" _Don't say that!" Holly cried._

" _I get really sick and it happens a lot." Noah replied._

" _You can't" Holly pleaded._

" _It's gonna happen and you have to be OK. You can't be sad. Because you are always happy. Don't let me ruin that." Noah pleaded._

" _I won't be sad but you are not going to die. You will see. We will grow old together and work at NCIS like daddy and Gibbs but I will be the boss."_

" _No Holly. That's not how it's gonna be." Noah replied._

" _How do you know?" Holly asked._

" _Mom told me in the hospital." Noah replied._

" _Why?" Holly asked._

" _Because that's how it has to be." Noah replied._

" _When will it happen?" Holly asked._

" _I don't know. Mom won't tell me. She said it would ruin things." Noah explained._

" _What can I do?" Holly asked._

" _Just have fun and be happy. Just like you will after I am gone. Do you promise that?" Noah asked._

" _OK, I promise." Holly vowed._

* * *

 **A/N: Now Holly will finally be OK. Well as OK as she can be. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	30. Normalcy Sort of

Life in the DiNozzo household was finally getting back to normal. Holly's accident had really opened something up inside of her. She had spent three days in the hospital "just in case." and then was moved back to to the psychiatric hospital. In just two more days Tony would finally be picking her up. Ziva and him had managed to find a new house. That was a mile from his and Holly's old home. It was about twice the size of the old DiNozzo house with four bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a den that could be converted into a bedroom. Tony and Ziva were debating turning the den into a master bedroom and letting the girls have free reign of the upstairs. Though they would not be moving until Holly was out of the hospital and ready to move into a new home. With Holly getting home in two days, Tony was working hard planning his daughter's homecoming. He had arranged to have a party for her but it would be a small one. Just himself, Ziva, Eliana, and the NCIS family. Lexie and a few of Holly's other friends had asked for an invitation but Tony had decided against it. Holly was still healing. She did not need to be overwhelmed and if he invited a few kids. It would be far too easy for them to invite the entire school. Though he did promise them that he would have Holly contact them as soon as possible. He looked up as the front door opened and saw Ziva walking in, followed by Eliana.

"I ordered the cake for Holly's party." Ziva replied.

"Strawberry with caramel icing?" Tony asked.

"Yes" Ziva replied.

"That sounds nasty. I wish that her favorite was triple chocolate." Eliana sighed.

"Eliana Margret David! This is not your party!" Ziva reminded.

"I know, I am just saying!" Eliana scoffed, throwing her arms up in the air, and storming out of the room.

"Is she OK?" Tony asked.

"Honestly I fear that she is becoming a woman." Ziva sighed.

"She's about the right age for it." Tony commented.

"That she is." Ziva agreed.

"Hopefully Holly will be able to help her become a teenager." Tony said.

"That would be nice. Unfortunately Talia and I fought like cats and dogs when we became teenagers. I adored her but mother said it was a primal thing. That we were fighting for dominance." Ziva explained.

"Gibbs says the same thing about me and McGee." Tony commented.

"I can see that." Ziva laughed.

"Yes but I am the alpha male." Tony retorted.

"I am the alpha and if you don't watch it, I will demote you to omega." Gibbs remarked entering the house and slapping Tony on the back of the head.

"Not sure it works like that." Tony replied.

"It does now." Gibbs fake growled.

* * *

Holly sat on the edge of her bed, she could not believe that she would be coming home in just two short days. When she was first admitted to the hospital. It felt like she would never be able to leave. Like she would be trapped there forever. Now the time was almost over and she couldn't be happier. She felt about a million times better and truly missed her father. The hospital had helped her greatly but she would not miss that place. She would miss Joy and her other friends but she would be able to see them again. Joy had already promised to add her on Facebook and her new foster parents only lived about ten minutes away from her. They would be going to the same school and everything.

"Holly?" Joy called from her bed.

"What is it?" Holly asked.

"Are you mad at me? Because of the accident?" Joy questioned.

"No that was my fault and besides the accident gave me closure." Holly explained.

"It did? How?" Joy asked.

"I saw Noah and he made me see that I would be OK." Holly explained.

"That is great but I am still sorry." Joy replied.

"Rule six, never apologize." Holly commented.

"What?" Joy asked.

"Just something my grandpa says." Holly replied.

"Holly you have a really great family." Joy remarked.

"I do. I really do." Holly agreed, gratefully.

* * *

Chris McGee could barely contain his excitement. Holly DiNozzo was getting out of the hospital in two days. He could not wait to see her again. As soon as he saw her, he was going to tell her that he loved her. He had loved her for years and after saving her life. Maybe just maybe, she would finally feel the same way about him.

"I cannot wait til, Holly gets home." Chris told his mother.

"I know Chris, neither can I." Abby replied.

"I am going to tell her that I love her." Chris remarked.

"That might be a little much. I would wait a few days." Abby warned.

"How many?" Chris asked.

"Just until she is feeling better." Abby replied.

"Alright" Chris agreed.

* * *

Tony was sitting on the couch, with Ziva curled up under his arm. He loved moments like this. Just the simple ones, where they were together. He loved the sex too. Because well that was purely amazing but, he loved the little moments too. When it was just the two of them holding each other. He could spend the rest of his life there but he could not. Ziva needed to get Eliana home and he needed to prepare for Holly's homecoming and the big move. Still he was savoring the moment. At least he was, until his ringing phone caused him to jump a mile.

"Hello?"

"Wait what?"

"My son? How old?"

"No that's impossible. I did not have sex between my wife's death ten and a half years ago and meeting my fiancee last year."

"Well I did donate my sperm but that was just an undercover thing. It was supposed to be destroyed."

"Yes I will submit to a DNA test."

"Yes I will be down there first thing in the morning."

"Yes I will take custody if the test is positive."

"OK, goodbye."

* * *

"What was that about?" Ziva asked, after Tony hung up the phone.

"That was somebody from child services. Apparently I have a son." Tony replied, shakily

"Yes I heard. You had donated sperm." Ziva replied.

"Seven years ago a string of Marine's were murdered at a local sperm bank. I had to donate a couple of cups while undercover. It was supposed to be destroyed after the case but apparently one sample was not destroyed. Then a few years ago. A woman got that sample and now I have a son. Nathan he is four." Tony explained.

"Why is child services calling you now? Is there a problem?" Ziva asked.

"Nathan's mother has been diagnosed with ALS. She is a single mom and she wants us to take him in now." Tony explained.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Nathan fit in with the family? This story is still just about over. I would say about five or six more chapters. The sequel will take place ten years after this story ended. So about twenty years after Kate's death. New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	31. Paternity Tests

Tony had hoped to spend the final day before Holly came home, putting the finishing touches on her homecoming celebration. Instead he was rushing around trying to get a rush DNA test preformed and preparing for the possible arrival of another child. He had received a call late the night before that Nate's mother had been rushed to the hospital and Nate was currently in the custody of child's services. He had hoped that he would have a couple of days. So that Holly could ease in a bit before he dropped a major bomb on her but it did not work out that way. He also quickly realized that unless he wanted to put Nate into Noah's room. Which would more than likely be even more traumatic for Holly. He had to move into the new house early. He spoke with Kate's sister Rachel and she told him that it would be best to have everything moved and break the news to Holly while she was still in the hospital. So that if she had a bad reaction, there were professionals around to handle her. That added a last minute move to the list. Luckily he found a moving company that could come at the last minute and his family stepped up to help with the process.

Over the course of the day he also learned a few things about Nate. For starters he was six years old and not four. He also learned that Nate had a four year old _brother_ named Nicholas. The social worker had just gotten the ages mixed up. Tony had offered to take Nicholas too but learned that Nick had been taken by his biological father. Whom he learned was Maya's ex fiancee, whom she had met when Nate was about a year old. Unfortunately he was also informed that Nick's father Kevin had no interest in taking in Nathan was well. Even when he learned that Nate could be put into foster care. It infuriated Tony that a father would rather separate brothers than raise a child who was not his.

Over the course of the day he also learned a few things about Nate. For starters he was six years old and not four. He also learned that Nate had a four year old _brother_ named Nicholas. The social worker had just gotten the ages mixed up. Tony had offered to take Nicholas too but learned that Nick had been taken by his biological father. Whom he learned was Maya's ex fiancee, whom she had met when Nate was about a year old. Unfortunately he was also informed that Nick's father Kevin had no interest in taking in Nathan was well. Even when he learned that Nate could be put into foster care. It infuriated Tony that a father would rather separate brothers than raise a child who was not his.

Not wanting to upset or confuse Nate any further. Tony chose to have the test run and await the results before he meeting his possible son. After learning that the earliest he could get results from a lab was a three day period. He ended up biting the bullet and asking Abby to run a DNA test for him. Abby was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Getting the test done by Abby he only had to wait two hours for the results. He sat on the small couch in Abby's office and waited.

"Alright Tony, I have the test results!" Abby cried.

"And?" Tony asked, not sure what he wanted to hear.

"Congratulations! You are the father!" Abby cried.

"I am? Really? Wow... Just wow..." Tony gasped.

"What are you not happy?! How can you be so cold?!" Abby demanded.

"No I am happy. I am just confused." Tony replied.

"Well some people would love to have what is just dropped into your lap! You and Timmy are so ungrateful! You have no idea how lucky you are! You have no idea!" Abby scolded.

"Abby are you alright?" Tony asked.

"No" Abby admitted.

"Well what's wrong?" Tony asked.

"I'm menopausal." Abby admitted.

"Oh I remember when my nanny went through that. It's rough the hot flashes and wild hormones. Makes me respect woman." Tony explained.

"It's not just the side effects. I...I wanted another baby." Abby explained.

"Really? Because you said that you only wanted Chris." Tony recalled.

"I did but after Delilah found out she was pregnant. I realized that I wanted more children. So I looked into fertility treatments but the doctor told me it was menopause. I could still do it but it is riskier and more complicated." Abby explained.

"Oh Abby I am so sorry." Tony apologized.

"Thanks you are the first person I told." Abby admitted.

"Well there are other ways to have a baby. You could always adopt." Tony reminded.

"I know but that can take years." Abby explained.

"You could adopt an older kid." Tony suggested.

"I could." Abby replied.

* * *

Tony ended up staying and talking with Abby for another half hour. Before taking the results and driving back to Child Services. He was feeling a lot better about the results by the time he got done talking with Abby. He actually loved the idea of having a son again. Even if Nate lacked athletic skills and preferred the more academic extra curricular. The bond between a father and son was something special. It was forty minute drive from NCIS to Child Services. He ended up arriving just as the employees were finishing their lunch hour.

"Hello I am Tony DiNozzo. I am here to pick up Nathan Andrews." Tony told the receptionist.

"Just one moment." The receptionist replied.

* * *

The receptionist paged the social worker assigned to Nate's case and moments later a tall blonde woman stepped into the lobby and led him down the hall. She opened the door to one of the dorm style rooms children stayed with while awaiting placement. A small boy with curly blonde hair and emerald green eyes looked up at him.

"Tony this is Nathan. Nathan this is your father, Tony." Jen introduced.

"Hi Nate." Tony greeted.

"Hi Tony" Nate murmured.

* * *

 **A/N: How will Nate bond with the rest of the family? How will Holly react? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	32. Homecoming

The day that Holly never thought she would see had come, she was finally going home. Even more surprising she was actually looking forward to going home. She missed her dad, Ziva, Eliana, and all of her friends. She even missed Chris. She did want to be home and living her normal life. Even if it was without Noah. She had come to learn that even though he was gone, he would always be a part of her. One of her counselors had put her in contact with a support group for people who had lost a twin. She was shocked about how common it was. Sometimes it happened when you were old but it had happened to plenty of children and younger grown-ups as well. Some people has lost their twins to illnesses, like how she had lost Noah. While others had been lost to accidents, war, suicide, and murder. There were even a few who had lost a twin to miscarriage, stillbirth, or a death shortly after birth. Of course none of those cases remembered their twins at all and all had learned about their lost twin at different ages. Ranging from in early childhood to one woman who only found out after her mother passed away. That woman was sixty-five years old. Holly could not imagine never knowing Noah, let alone never knowing about him. The group was mainly online but they had a conference every year and Holly was planning on attending the next one. Holly looked up at Joy. Her foster father had to have an emergency appendectomy, so she would be stuck there for another day.

"I'm gonna miss ya, Holl. Appreciate the outside for me. Run around barefoot and sing with the birds. Do it for those of us stuck on the inside." Joy instructed in a gravely voice.

"Your going home tomorrow." Holly reminded.

"Come on girl let me have a little fun!" Joy cried.

"Oh right, sorry." Holly apologized.

"It's OK, girl." Joy assured.

"Well have fun with Margie and Steve and Lila, PJ, Christi, Caleb, Ben, and Ella." Holly explained.

"I will have fun with your dad, Ziva, and Eliana." Joy replied.

"I will." Holly assured.

"Holly, your dad is here." Dan called.

"Coming" Holly replied.

"Bye, Holl" Joy said.

"Goodbye Joy" Holly sniffed.

* * *

Holly grabbed her bags and walked with Dan towards the waiting room. Her dad was sitting alone on one of the couches. He stood and approached her. Holly ran towards her dad and jumped into his arms. She buried her head in his chest.

"I missed you so much. I know I just saw you last week but I missed you." Holly sniffed.

"I missed you too baby girl." Tony replied.

"Where's Ziva?" Holly asked.

"We decided that it would be best if I came alone." Tony explained.

"Are they waiting at the house?" Holly asked.

"Yeah but there is something that you need to know about the house." Tony explained.

"What? What happened?" Holly asked.

"Well while you were gone I bought a new house. We were going to move in when you were ready but the other day I got some news and I realized that we needed to move right away. We will be going to the new house tonight. You have a little brother." Tony explained.

"What? Ziva's pregnant?" Holly asked.

"No it is a six year old boy." Tony explained.

"What? How you didn't have sex for ten years!" Holly cried.

"Seven years ago I donated sperm." Tony started.

"Aw gross!" Holly cried.

"It was part of a case and my samples were supposed to be destroyed but there was a mix up and a woman got a vile of my sperm by mistake. I never knew until now." Tony explained.

"Why are you just finding out about this now?" Holly asked.

"His mother was diagnosed with ALS a few months ago and she can no longer care for him. They contacted the sperm bank and asked to locate the biological father, they ran a few DNA tests, and that's when they discovered the mistake. I was contacted by child's services and I got tested right away. I am the father and Nathan has been living with us since last night." Tony explained.

"So I have a six year old brother? I have a brother again?" Holly asked.

"Yes" Tony replied.

"That is amazing! I always wanted a little brother! Noah was always older and I always wanted a baby brother." Holly cried.

"I am so glad that you are happy. I was worried it would break you." Tony admitted.

"I am not broken anymore." Holly assured.

* * *

Holly watched the world pass by in the rear-view mirror. Her dad turned onto her new street, which was only a few streets away from her old one. Her dad turned into the driveway and she looked up at her new house. It was larger than her old house but it looked a lot alike. It must have designed by the same architect. The car came to a stop and she jumped out and ran inside. Ziva and Eliana were standing in the living room. As well as Abby, Bishop, Gibbs, Ducky, McGee, Delilah, Chris, and baby John and the Palmer's.

"Welcome home, Holly!" Everybody cried.

"Thank you guys so much. I missed you so much." Holly replied.

"We are so glad that you are home kid. We were all worried for you." Gibbs replied.

"I am glad to be back." Holly replied.

"I uh missed you." Chris replied.

"I missed you too." Holly replied nervously.

"Are you doing alright? We have a cake for you but if you are too tired." Ziva asked.

"No I am fine. I just want to meet Nate." Holly replied.

"He is napping right now but he should be waking soon." Ziva explained.

"OK" Holly replied.

* * *

 **A/N: Holly is finally home but how will she set in? New chapter will be up soon. Please review and thanks for reading.**


	33. Wedding Bells

It was a cold Saturday in early January. It also happened to be just days after Tony and Ziva's first anniversary and their wedding day. It had been a crazy roller coaster of a year for the couple. A year full of more heartbreak then either had previously imagined possible but a lot of amazing things had happened as well. The family they were making was completely different from the family that they though they would be forming. When they met Tony was a father to twin thirteen year olds; a boy and a girl. Then just months into the fledgling relationship Noah died from complications associated with the plague. After that Holly kind of fell of the deep end. She sank into a deep depression and became extremely self destructive. She had almost worked out of it, when her heart was broken by her first love. That resulted in a suicide attempt that earned her a month in a psychiatric hospital. She had been out for nearly two months now is doing great. Ziva brought her adoptive daughter Eliana into the family. She was ten at the time but turned eleven in March of that year. They thought that's how the family would remain. Two parents and two teenage girls. Ziva was unable to carry children and the couple decided that they would be happy with the family that they had. Then two months earlier Tony received a shocking phone call. He had a six year old son named Nathan. Nate's mother had become very ill and Tony was his last hope before foster care. Naturally Tony took Nate in and his mother signed parental rights over to him.

* * *

Tony sat in the groom's dressing room at "True Love; Interfaith Wedding Chapel". It was just a small building. The former fellowship hall of a Lutheran Church in Tacoma Park. Unlike a traditional interfaith church. A faiths were recognized as separate faiths but they would combine traditions to serve couples. For that reason it was the ideal place for mixed faith couples to wed. Tony being Catholic and Ziva Jewish. They had decided to let their children decide on their own what faith to follow. They would trade off taking the children to services at the DiNozzo's church and the David's temple. Holly had chosen to remain Catholic though she did appreciate and enjoy attending temple. Eliana on the other hand had claimed that dance was her faith. She still attended temple services but only because her mother insisted on it. Nate was too young to really understand but he loved both faiths and had friends at both the church and the temple. Personally Tony did not understand why people made such a big deal out of interfaith relationships and one particular religion. If God decided who went where in the afterlife. As long as you were a good person, what should it matter?

He leaned back and read the plaque on the wall. He tapped his fingers on the small table and his feet on the floor. They rhythm was the beat to song but he had no idea which one it was. Not that it mattered very much. He was just passing the time until the service started. The door opened and Holly stepped into the room. Her bridesmaids dress was beautiful and totally suited her. She sat down on the extra chair and cupped her chin in her hands.

"Are you ready for this?" Tony asked.

"Yes but I wish that Noah could be here." Holly admitted.

"So do I baby girl." Tony sighed.

"Sorry for bringing you down." Holly apologized.

"It's not your fault. Today is emotional anyway. I never thought I would be remarrying and if I ever did I was sure that the two of you would be with me." Tony explained.

"I miss mom but I am glad that you are happy again." Holly admitted.

"I could say the same for you." Tony replied.

* * *

While Tony was reflecting on his life in the groom's changing room. Ziva was sitting in the bride's chamber. She was dressed and her bridesmaids were off mingling and putting the finishing touches on their makeup. Her maid of honor, Breena was puking her guts out in the bathroom but kept insisting that she was not sick. Ziva looked up as Nate stepped into the room and fell down onto the couch.

"I'm bored." Nate groaned.

"I am sorry that it is not more exciting. It is hard to have to stay in a boring chapel all day, dressed up in nice clothes." Ziva apologized.

"Johnny and Sammy are going to the Playzone." Nate apologized.

"How about I take your there next weekend?" Ziva offered.

"What about your honeymoon?" Nate asked.

"We are going over spring break so that I do not have to take off of work. Holly is going away with the youth group that week and Eliana has a dance tour. So you will be staying with Gibbs." Ziva explained.

"Oh OK but shouldn't we do family stuff?" Nate asked.

"Tony is taking Holly to visit with her friend Joy and Eliana has a dance competition that I am apparently banned from." Ziva explained.

"Girls are weird." Nate remarked.

"Girls are fine, teenagers are weird." Ziva corrected.

"Whatever" Nate sighed.

* * *

Tony was now standing at the alter. McGee was standing beside him and the JP was slightly behind them. Ziva stood at the other end of the aisle. The music started to play and she began to walk. Holly was holding her train. Because at the last minute Breena had decided that she did need to go home. Ziva made it to the front of the church and stepped up onto the alter. She stood facing Tony and the JP began to speak.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the love of Anthony DiNozzo and Ziva David. If anybody has any reason that these two shall not be wed. Speak now or forever hold your peace... Moving on the couple will now recite vows that they wrote for themselves." The JP spoke.

"Tony, you have changed my life. I am no longer that new teacher who is raising her half-brother's baby. Now I am a woman marrying the love of her life and gaining three more children." Ziva spoke.

"Ziva, before I met you I never thought that I would love again. My heart had been broken in the worst way. From the moment I met you, I loved you and I knew that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. Today that dream is coming true. My family has gone from three to six and I could not be happier." Tony spoke.

"You are now a union. You may kiss the bride." The JP said.

* * *

 **FIN**

* * *

 **A/N: Well that's it. What did you think. Sorry for skipping over Nate's introduction and Holly's recovery but I was semi writer's blocked. I will still be doing the sequel though. I actually have ideas for that and I plan on posting it Wednesday. Thanks to all who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed. It means a lot. One last time please review.**


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